HAPPY HALLOWEENS

In the spirit of Halloween, I have decided to dedicate this post to one of my favorite non-holiday holidays. After you have finished reading this, you will have learned some things about me that only my closest friends know about. Tonight, I'm going to answer a question that I get a lot from people I'm not too close to. I am going to tell you about my fears. 
Some of them are completely irrational so you'll just have to bear with me. I tend to get this question a lot because I am a big fan of horror movies and people usually see me as a virtually fearless person. This assumption is far from the truth. Yes, I love horror movies but it's because I know they are works of fiction. They are not real so I mostly enjoy them purely for entertainment value aaaand because Black people in movie theaters are the best kinds of people. But, I digress. Here's a list of some of the things that freak me out.

1. Midgets

I wish I could explain this, but I can't. They're short and can sneak around into small spaces and their limbs are abnormally sized and they're freaky. I vaguely remember this dream from when I was a kid where a hoard of midgets sitting atop one another shoulders just coming after me and ever since then I can't face a midget without my palms getting sweaty. Whenever I am forced to engage one in conversation or I just see them on the street, I have to strongly resist the urge to run in the opposite direction.

2. Odd numbers

As I discussed in my previous post, I have a fear of odd numbers. When I play beer pong, I always have to shoot second and drink second. On occasion I'll drink first but I have to be drunk in order to do it. I don't know how this one came about but it's just a thing i have. Volume on the TV has to be at an even number, when I pump gas into my truck the price has to be at an even number, I usually can't just buy one thing at the store it has to be two, I can't watch one episode or one movie on Netflix at a time, I have to watch at least two. I can't eat one piece of cheese, I have to eat two. At the bar, I need at least two drinks. Not at a time but total. 

3. Tards

I get mocked for this one probably the most out of all of my fears. It's not that I judge them or anything. I completely understand that it is not their fault that they have a disability but that does not make me fear them any less. I tried watching the show American Horror Story during its first season and I could not get passed the first two episodes. The midget tard was too freaky for me. I had nightmares about her standing on my computer chair and staring at me in my sleep for weeks after those first two episodes. I know I told my friends that I thought the show sucked, but in reality it was mostly just the midget tard. Oh and they slobber too! They slobber and more than a couple I have had the displeasure to encounter smell rancid. I don't want to get drooled on or be around smelly people, I just want to go on with my semi-normal existence. 

4. Commitment

It's true, it freaks me out. I get a bit itchy when I think about it. The thought of having to tell someone my whereabouts at all times and see the same person day in and day out...I can't do it. I like my freedom. I like not having to keep tabs on someone or having more obligations than I need to. I like not relying on someone to keep me happy or try and figure out what I'm thinking. Fool, I will tell you straight up if I want something. I have serious goosebumps now.

5. Silence

I can't stand it. I constantly have something going off in the background whether it's music or TV or I'm talking to someone. I can't stand silence. If I'm in a car I have to have music on. Without it i feel like I'm being sucked into a black hole of nothingness. I've had indie horror movies playing in the background all night as I write because I can't focus in silence. In the silence i hear every creak, every sound outside, every movement around me, and I get nervous. 

6. Achilles Heel

I am deathly afraid of not being able to walk. When I was in high school I saw a movie starring Paris Hilton called House of Wax. The movie itself was complete garbage but there's a scene where the monster/villain/waxman sticks his fingers through a floor vent and snips someones Achilles tendon. It was at that moment where I realized the importance of walking. Every time I buy a new pair of Vans, the back rubs against my heel and causes a small laceration. I immediately put a band-aid there because I have this irrational thought in my head that if I don't put the band-aid there, my beloved shoes will cut deep into the back of foot and slice my Achilles tendon, disabling me from walking.

7. Heights

This is a fairly new one. When I was a kid, I never feared heights or jumping out of trees or anything like that. In my high school days, I had some hoodrat friends and we would do hoodrat things like climb fences and investigate abandoned buildings, scaling them from bottom floor to rooftop, but now I could not do that if my life depended on it. A few years ago, some friends and I had the bright idea of climbing onto our friends roof and jumping into her pool. In my head I thought "FUCK YEAH!" but as soon as I got to the roof and looked down, I panicked. I sat on that roof for close to an hour unable to climb down. One of our friends had to climb onto the roof and physically push me off into the pool in order to get me down. Now even the slightest step stool freaks me out.  I can do roller coasters just fine but I think it's just because I'm strapped into a semi-safe rolling death trap that thousands of other people have previously ridden on.

8. Getting my hand stuck in the garbage disposal

I watched a movie once and saw this happen to a guy. I've been watching horror movies since before I can remember and this is another one of the few things that stuck with me. I hate using the garbage disposal. Every time I turn it on, I cringe and lean back on the counter keeping my hands as far away from the sink as possible. The sound of it makes me shudder with fear. I have this image in my head of being forced into the garbage disposal and coming out a bloody stump, pearly white bone sticking out of it. 

Well, that's it for today. Maybe next Halloweens I'll tell you about more of my fears. Now I'm going to continue going through my horror movie section on Netflix. I'm in a paranormal mood. Let me know if you have any suggestions. I'm always up for something new.