Hemingway meets Stephanie Meyer

If you understand the title of this post, than I applaud you. If not...well I understand why it would be confusing. I have been debating for a long time whether or not I should do a drunk blog and since I stopped drinking at midnight and it is now 20 minutes to 4 and I am still drunk, I decided that there is no time like the present. 

I did not know that there could be a film worse than Troll 2 by Breaking Dawn Part 2 proved me wrong. My night began by sipping different alcohol mixtures in my friends apartment in an effort to make a good mixed drink for a co-worker and myself. We had planned to sneak the bottles into the theater and drink during the movie. It worked, but I didn't really drink too much of it. But I'll come back to that. 

A few of us met at El Torito and I had a couple of goblets of Dos Equis. Then we relocated to TGIF's for their happy hour. After a few drinks and a shot, I was gone. Something weird happened and I lost one of the movie tickets but we managed to get everyone in the theater anyway with our magical drunken genius. We all got in and started passing around my flask of whiskey and the magical mixtures. Those of us who went to the bar were pretty damn drunk at this point, so we were relatively obnoxious. 

The movie was terrible. I don't know if it's because I was drunk or what but everything about it was one big joke. The baby was CGIed and the writing was awful. We could not stop laughing the entire time. I deeply regret agreeing to see the movie again with another friend who was not present. The movie seemed short and I was surprised when we got out and I noticed that the time was 2:30. There was a huge twist and it shouldn't have surprised me but it did because I read the books many years ago.

The song during the end credits was incredibly cheesy and the fact that they had to include every. single. character that had been in the previous 4 films without any mention in the last was dumb. This series was no Harry Potter and they probably could've fit the last two installments into one movie. 

My overall drunk rating is a 2. But only because of Kellan Lutz's arms. 

I'm going to eat my sandwich now. Goodnight moon.

Why I Hate Election Time

I didn't even bother coming up with a witty title for this one. This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. Not really, but it something that's irritating to me and a vast majority of the sane people in my life. Shortest intro to a topic ever. 

1. People complaining that non-voters have no right to complain

Okay let's be real here. Our economy is shit regardless of who is in office. If you're American, you automatically have the right to complain about whatever the fuck you want. Take me for example, if I want to complain about elections then I'm going to complain about elections. Who's stopping me? No one. With this particular presidential election it's essentially a coin toss between living the next four years in a slow decline or Mormon's finally making a name for themselves other than cultists with a thousand children from different baby mamas. Either way, we're fucked. 

2. Religion and politics

They're supposed to be two separate things but no matter how you look at it they go hand in hand. However religious leaders passing out pamphlets telling their congregations how to vote? That's like saying "you have two flavors of ice cream to choose from little Jimmy, but rainbow sherbet makes your mouth colorful so pick vanilla". People have the right to their own opinions regardless of their religious beliefs so stop trying to spin your beliefs in a way that will influence the uninformed without giving them an unbiased opinion. 

3. People who only discuss politics when the elections are near

Really? You don't really watch the news or read the newspaper so why do you suddenly decide to talk about politics in November? We all know that you don't talk about politics at any other time so why make it seem like you care now? If you truly cared about what goes on in the political world then it would come out in your everyday conversations on a normal basis. You're not fooling anyone. I don't generally enter political discussions because I genuinely don't give a shit. 

4. Voting day

It's today. Facebook and every other social media outlet has been blowing up with "If you don't vote, you'll die tomorrow" and  "I voted, did you?" and "#teamwhateverthefuck". It's all we hear about for a 24 hour period. Guess what? NO ONE CARES! Election day is the one day every four years where a large part of the American population all do the exact same thing in the same day so why do you need to alert the media? If it's really that important to know that you did something that someone else is doing, then I'm going to start tweeting every time I take a shit.  Another thing no one cares about is your Instagram and Facebook voting photos. Way to jump on the bandwagon---you took the exact same picture that everyone else has! WOOOO YOU'RE SO COOL NOW! The only reason why I want to sport a sticker around today is because my favorite local bar is giving out a free drink to anyone with a voting sticker.

If you are one of those people that I have touched on in this post, I'm not sorry for offending you. You should know that even if I like you as a person, I really don't give a shit that you voted today. And neither do your other 400 Facebook friends. No one is going to succumb to your voting peer pressure so stop being an annoying pain in the ass.

Slacking Made Easy

Ever since the formation of the school system, slacking has existed. It doesn't really matter how studious you are or aren't on a consistent basis, at one point or another you get stuck doing shit that you just don't want to do. That's just a part of life. I have been told on several occasions that I have turned slacking from something looked down upon by society to an art form. Over the years I have managed to get fairly good grades with doing the bare minimum amount of work even though it looks like I spent days working on whatever the task is. I'm not exactly proud of this ability, but I will say that I am rather impressed by myself sometimes. 
I know, I know. You're thinking "Kt, prove your ability to us" and "There is no way in hell that it is possible to score anything above a C in a half-assed assignment". Oh, random reader, I have proof. 

 The photo on your left is part of my proof. I am currently taking an English class and have not completely read any of the books so far. My goal before the end of the semester is to finish one of them but I've yet to find something that I can really get into. I took this midterm without really studying, mostly because I'm usually sitting in the back of the room reading something completely off topic. In this class I have also written a paper comparing Achilles from Homer's ancient Greek epic poem The Illiad to Harry Potter. Don't ask me how I did it, but I managed to get the only A in the class. I was the only one who did not read The Illiad and all of my Harry Potter examples came straight from memory. On the day of the midterm, my professor pulled me aside when I gave him my exam and asked if he could use a couple of paragraphs on the overhead in the next class period as an example of exceptional work. 

A second example also occurred this past week. In my Global Communications class I wrote a short essay about television in the late '60s-early '70's comparing Adam-12 to Dexter. I also had to give a presentation on this. In said presentation, I flat out said "I was not prepared for this. Why did you make me come up here today?" When I got my paper back, I received full points for the presentation and was marked down one point on the paper for not answering one of the questions in the prompt. I wrote the essay an hour before it was due in the school computer lab. 

I can't exactly say that I dislike these two classes or that I have no interest in their topics, I just work a lot of late shifts that usually begin right after my classes end and I am too tired to do homework when I get home. I work five days a week and sometimes, I just can't find it in me to come home and study. 

With that being said, here is the one tip that will hopefully help you coast through something that's mildly important, but at the same time a bit too tedious for your schedule. Or just because you don't want to do them: choose what you know. It doesn't really matter what the prompt or the topic of whatever you're doing is, pick something you have some knowledge about and research the rest. Let's take the paper for example. As previously stated, I did not read the book nor do I really know anything about Achilles. I read snippets of the story on Sparknotes and pulled examples from that. The quotes I used came from the "Important Quotations Explained" section. The rest of it was cake. I am very knowledgeable about Harry Potter lore and used specific examples of from all seven novels without looking up facts or anything. I simply just wrote about what I knew. 

It really is that easy. Try it next time you have little time to complete a paper or project. Just pick something that you know and focus on that. If I can do it, you can do it. 

*sidenote: I don't know if anyone from City Mag still reads this, but don't tell Cindy that I did that with the television project. Although, I'm sure she already knows. Cindy if you read this, I'm sorry. I can't promise that I won't do it again, but hey at least I've been making it to class on time and turning my stuff in, right?*

Has Anyone Ever Posted a Retraction Blog? Because This is Happening

A few months ago I wrote a post titled "Why Is This Not Funny?" about Grace Helbig's YouTube channel DailyGrace. In said post, I stated that I did not think she was that funny and alluded to the thought that she has potential to be funny. In the months that have passed since that post, I have completed my "journey" and have watched every single DailyGrace video. I've noticed that in the past few months, her comedic tone has changed. I find myself laughing much more often and looking forward to her vlogs 5 days a week.  

My friend Kate also agrees that there has been a change in Grace's videos. She compared some of her older ones to the newer ones and we have both decided that she has gotten funnier. To me it seems like she was holding herself back before. She was trying to keep her videos kind of family friendly but in recent months it seems as if she has stopped giving any fucks. I like that. For example I have really enjoyed her Halloween Costume Videos. Here's the first one: HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEAS 

With that being said, I would like to formally apologize to you, Grace Helbig. If by some miracle that you stumble upon this blog I do not want you to think that I hate you or something. Because you are pretty damn funny. If I run into you somewhere in LA, I will buy you a drink. Mostly because of your weight lifter joke in Hannah Hart's My Drunk Pumpkin video. Because I'm pretty sure if my friends and I were internet celebs, we would also get drunk on camera and paint the shit out of holiday produce. Except we'd use knives. Because we're safe.