I Don't Know What's Going On.: In Soviet Russia, You Don't Write Blog. Blog Write You.

About two months ago, I received an Instagram notification alerting me of a new follower with the username AKOLESNIKOV. It might look like a random jumble of letters, but I assure you it is not. After looking at this persons profile, I learned that it's is the first initial and last name of a Russian 23 year old from Moscow. I don't know this person. I didn't really think anything of it until the other day when I received a Twitter notification that a random Russian male has started to follow me. It seemed strange, but this is the internet so anything is possible. I let the paranoid thoughts drop out of my head and went on about my day.

After work tonight I had originally planned to watch a movie on Netflix, drink the pint of Firestone DBA that I bought for 50% off and eat dinner while watching a movie on Netflix that I had yet to see. After a struggle with my bottle opener, I decided on a film that I have been wanting to watch for many years but have not been up to viewing due to a deep seeded resentment of Richard Gere. Tonight's film of choice was "The Mothman Prophecies". Initially I had sought out to review the film and probably go on a rant about my extreme dislike of Gere. The opening credits were taking a long time to get through so I took the liberty of checking my blog. This is what I found:

Russia. I don't even know what to think about this. I don't think that I've ever really met a Russian. I'm pretty sure that I only know one person who's been to Russia but she was like...10 at the time. I took this photo and put it on my Instagram account and so far the only people who have "liked" it are a Russian DJ, a Russian rap artist, and a friend of mine who works at Golden Spoon. I am a little confused and disturbed at my sudden Russian popularity. I don't have anything against the Russians, but of all the countries in the world this one caught me off guard. I have a message for you, Russians: DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS POST IS SAYING? CAN YOU READ ENGLISH? WHY DO YOU LIKE ME? IF I SAY LENINADE DO YOU KNOW WHAT I'M REFERRING TO?

I have come to the conclusion that if I ever were to visit Russia, I would either be greeted with copious amounts of applause from its public or kidnapped and sold into a human sex trafficking ring. I really hope for the former, but let's be realistic here. This IS Russia we're talking about. However, I have always wanted to visit the great country of Lenin. I have seen many photos of Russian architecture and as a bit of an art history nerd I am intrigued. I guess I'm at a bit of an impasse when it comes to Russia's fascination with my life. So thank you, Russians, for bringing this to my attention. I hope I can one day meet one of your people and shake their hand for bringing the world the beauty that is Leninade.

The end of this post is near and "The Mothman Prophecies" is over. Here is my synopsis of a film that I only really paid attention to the first 10 minutes of and have been using as background noise this entire time. Richard Gere and Debra Messing have sex in a closet. Then they're driving and a moth hits her in the face. She crashes and wakes up in the hospital with brain damage, and claims to have seen The Batman. Gere says "No, a moth flew in your eye". In her muddled brain, she creates the Mothman and then dies. Gere is so saddened by her death that he has mental issues. A few more car crashes take place, Laura Linney is involved, some people die, and it rains a lot.

Oh and case you were wondering, here's an empty bottle of Leninade.