If the World is Truly Doomed, At Least I Will Die With Whiskey in Hand

As I'm sure most of you know, the Mayans of yesteryear have predicted the end of the world on December 21, 2012.That's just three days from the time I have written this post. Some say that the recent world catastrophes are proof that this ancient race of peoples have told the truth this time. Whenever the end of the world has been predicted in the past, I have found that at first, I tend to take this "prediction" as a sign that people are willing to believe anything, but in the few days before the supposed world's end, I get nervous. I know that there's a big chance that the Mayans were as wrong as that guy who predicted the end of the world a few years ago, but I still get nervous. I tend to think things like "have I really done everything that I have wanted to do?" and "Did I ever apologize to that kid for laughing at him when he ran through a glass door in the 6th grade?" and "I never did manage to properly stalk Ryan Reynolds". The last time one of these events occurred  I had been so out of the loop that I didn't know what was going on until I saw a Facebook status that said something along the lines of "OH MY GOD EVERYONE JUST GOT SUCKED UP INTO THE SKY AND I DIDN'T" so naturally, I Googled "the end of the world" and read several articles on the "prediction". This was five minutes past the prediction time. 

If the world ends next week, I will be far away from the mainland in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with a whiskey in hand. if the world ends, I won't have to deal with holiday stress or petty work issues or the annoyances in life. With any luck, this two week Hawaiian cruise will turn into an epic life story. This cruise ship could be something similar to Noah's Ark minus the animals. Which is kind of ok, because I have a small fear of animals (they crap everywhere and their version of a bath is to lick themselves after licking their asses. Do you really want an animal?). Instead of Noah's Ark it could be "Ktez's Vessel of Lost Souls" or something equally as morbid. If we get to Hawaii and find that all mainland areas have been evacuated via rapture, then I will kill and maim until I am the official owner of the island. I've always wanted an island so why not take this opportunity to conquer an island? I will host some kind of Lord of the Flies meets The Hunger Games type of epic battle for my minions. I will build a house high atop the trees and from there continue building a fortress of tree houses. They will have rope bridges attached from house to house and tree to tree for easy access. Isla Ktez will greatly resemble the planet Endor from Star Wars. Hopefully including the Ewoks because they are like tiny little teddy bears and I just want to play with them. The second level of every other tree house will hold a bar, each with a different theme. If I gain control of an island at the worlds end, I will make someone be Batman. He will be my source of justice and Police force. And have the abs of a Greek god. And also be my not so secret lover. And play the drums. He will pretty much be the envy of every male on Isla Ktez. For me, the end of the world might actually prove to be a good time. 

As cool as Isla Ktez will be, if the world doesn't end, then I will still have a whiskey in hand. Because that's what vacation is all about. Especially when you're on a boat. I for one do not think that the world will end on December 21 mostly because we will not get out of buying Christmas presents that easily. We are not that lucky.

With that being said, I would like to say that I just wanted to post one more blog before I leave you for two weeks, but I am not that thoughtful. I am really just procrastinating on finishing up my packing. I hate packing. 

You can look forward to a post of epic proportions when I get back though. I'm sure I will have some interesting drunk nights aboard this giant cruise ship with my nutty family.  

In the words of one of my favorite television characters, Seth Cohen, "Merry Chrismakkah everyone!"