Top Ten Reasons Why Internet Cats are Fantastic

One of the greatest things I have heard in a class discussion regarding technological advancement is "With our smartphones, we literally have the world in the palm of our hands and all we do with this power is look up cat pictures on the internet."

Can you dispute that? Cat pictures are goddamn adorable. I hate cats. I do. You can't really play with them, they're moodier than a 17 year old girl on her period, they never have the decency to throw up in a toilet or their litter box, they scratch the hell out of your couches...I could go on and on.

However, internet cats are a whole different story. Internet cats are gloriously majestic creatures. They do funny things, some of them are unbelievably retarded looking, and Grumpy Cat...well she's just fucking cool.

I have several friends who are really into cats, but no one follows cats on the internet like Meg. Meg loves internet cats so much, that when I'm bored I will just Google cat pictures and post them on her Facebook wall to distract her from whatever work she's doing. I did this to Meg about an hour ago, and that gave me the idea for today's topic. 

Also, I've recently learned that Meggy reads this blog every week so it's about time I gave her a shout out. Shut up, Meg.

That, and I forgot it was Thursday until about an hour ago when I was posting cat pictures on her Facebook wall.


10. Princess Monster Truck

Hide yo' kids.

This fantastical beast is Princess Monster Truck. She terrifies me, but at the same time I am fascinated by her. She lives in New York and is an up-and-comer in the internet cat world. Meg actually introduced me to this monster and for whatever reason she loves her for the royal beast she is. Princess Monster Truck haunts my dreams. She comes after me at night and eats me in my sleep.

9. Internet cats are on the internet

These felines are not really in front of me, therefore I do not have to deal with litter boxes or hairballs or getting my stuff ruined by their claws of destruction. I love that I can look at them and I don't have to endure being around them.

8. Sometimes, they do some gosh darn adorable things

How can you not love sushi cat?

7. Cat memes

Cat memes are some of the funniest memes on the internet. I went through a phase a few years ago when I would just browse lolcats.com and look at hilarious cat pictures. I can't even properly express to you how funny some of these are. I mean look at this one! Go home Russian Cat, you're drunk.

6. This guy

I don't know who this furry beast is, but I like his angry face and his soft furry body. 

He seems like a pretty cool cat. I really hope that his owners take more photos of him and never shave his fur because this just might be the next Grumpy Cat. He is a majestic feline that has not yet been able to make his claim to fame, but I want him to know that I love him and his evil ways.

 

5. Daniel

Daniel is not an internet cat, but he is a fantastic cat that everyone should love. He is the one real- life cat that I have ever liked and that's because he follows me around and just lays around, waiting to be fed and petted. In essence, Daniel is just like me. If I was a cat, I would want to be Daniel. Minus the gimp foot. And the Diabetes. 

He belongs to my friends' parents, and whenever they go out of town he gets shipped off to my friends' apartment. I make it a point to go over and hang out with him because he is amazing. He just limps around and wants to sleep and eat and play. Daniel is the cat that all real cats should aspire to be. I would vote for Daniel for Cat President if he ran for office.

4. They have their own Instagrams

How ridiculous is that? I don't even...

Their owners clearly post the photos of them but it's just plain nutty to present yourself as a cat who makes captions and  take photos of themselves. I'm looking at Lil' Bub's Instagram now and he has 114,000 followers. Do you know how many followers I have? 110. I have been out-followed by a cat. 
 
3. Unlike other internet trends, cats have been big for years

Cats are big now, and they were big when Myspace was a thing. Internet cats are just too much of an internet phenomenon to go out of style. Some are funny to look at, some are terrifying to look at, and others have brilliant captions above and below their photos. No one will ever understand why, but cats have invaded the internet. And we are more than willing to had cyberspace over to them.



2. Grumpy Cat

Grumpy Cat is probably the most famous cat on the internet. You can't deny loving her angry faced captions and the burning looks of hatred that she gives her viewers. Not much is known about Grumpy Cat, other than the fact that she is an extremely mean-natured female cat. She is never satisfied with anything and is very popular in the cat community. Meg's obsession with internet cats all started with Grumpy Cat and has expanded to something even she did not see coming. Grumpy Cat was a big boom for the internet cat world, and she has taken it by storm. She is a fierce cat who loves no one, and that is why we love her.

1. Lil' Bub

I had to make Lil' Bub's picture so big Because I wanted you to get the full grasp of his cuteness. Lil' Bub has become my favorite internet cat, because he's so little and retarded looking. His little tongue is permanently sticking out of his mouth and his big eyes are just so bright and full of excitement. Every video or photo I have seen of Lil' Bub just makes him look likes he's the happiest cat in the world. He is the one cat that I follow on Instagram because I think I love him. If all cats were like Lil' Bub, the world would be a much happier place. 

You're welcome, school wallpaper.

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love the Vegas

For the last two weeks, I have been unable to accomplish any kind of school work because every thought has been about the Vegas. 

Last week, a friend of mine turned 22 and tomorrow I will turn 23. In celebration of us shooting out of our mother's vagina's, a bunch of us are taking a trip to the Vegas. 

I love the Vegas. I never call it Las Vegas or say "Viva Las Vegas," it will forever be THE Vegas. Why? Because it is the one and only Vegas. No one ever says "I'm going to Las Vegas, New Mexico because it is the place to party"---no. The Vegas is a magical place.

Every trip that I have taken to Vegas since I have become of legal drinking age has been memorable---both good and partially embarrassing. I never have any issues with telling people what has happened on my trips to the Vegas because, well...it's Vegas. Shit happens.

It's never been easy for me to properly describe why I love the Vegas as much as I do so in honor of my miraculous 23 years on earth, I have decided to dedicate this week's post to the Vegas. 

10. You can always find something to eat.

No matter what time a day it is or how drunk you are, you can always find something to eat. From a 24 hour Denny's to the 24 hour McDonalds, it's rare to find a place that won't serve you when you have the drunk-munchies. 

9. Once you've stayed in a fancy hotel once, you don't need to do it again.

My love of the Vegas has been passed down through my Dad. From the time I was a kid to now, I have stayed all up and down the strip as well as hotels around the strip. I vaguely recall even staying in ghetto North Vegas once or twice. After your first or second post-21 trip to the Vegas, you'll find that staying in a super classy hotel is not a necessity. For example---on the trip I'm going on tomorrow, we're staying at the Howard Johnson---located behind the Hooters Hotel and Casino and across the street from MGM. Do you know how much that hotel is for 4 of us? $120 for the whole weekend. Suck. On. That.

8. Gambling.

I've already gone on about this. I love gambling. I try and fight it every time I go to the Vegas but I can't. It's just way too much fun. And you get free drinks!

7. Clubbing made easy.

People always complain about Vegas clubs being expensive and whatnot---but I have never paid more than $15 to get into a club or a bar. When you're walking around the strip and those guys come up to you asking if you want to get into this place or that, say yes. Talk to them and find out what their deals are. So far my favorite find was the $15 all you can drink entry to a bar at the Flamingo. They're not creepy, they're just club promoters.

6. You never know what's going to happen.

Vegas is a magical, magical place. You can never go out for the night with a set plan of "let's do this, that, and the other thing" because your plans will always change. One time, I went to the cowboy bar in Treasure Island and almost got arrested. Did I know that was going to happen? No, I did not. Shit happens in the Vegas. Just expect the unexpected and you'll be OK.

5. It's the only place in the United States where limos are cheaper than cabs.

It's true. Legally, cabs are only allowed to take like...4 or 5 people at a time in Vegas. Even the van cabs have a 6 person limit. If you have 8 or 9 people in your group---take a limo. I was there two weeks ago and the most I spent on a limo was $10 at rates of $70 a ride. Limos are cheap and you'll look important when you get out at the club and all of those poor saps are getting out of their shitty cabs. 

4.  Booze---booze everywhere.

If I need to explain, then there's something wrong with you. 

3. Walking around with a drink in your hand at 10 a.m. is socially acceptable. 

Sometimes, you just wake up and want to walk around in public and drink all day. Vegas is the place to do that. There are no restrictions, no rules, no anything. If you're not drinking, that's when people look at you funny. When I get there tomorrow around 3 in the afternoon, I expect to stay drunk until Sunday morning. Just maintain a constant state of drunk at all times. Beer with breakfast and you're good to go. 

2.  If you're in bed before 3, you're not doing it right.

The Vegas is the true city that never sleeps. There are very little rules and it's hard to be bored in Vegas. Even if you don't drink, just sit outside and watch the drunks like us walk around the strip. Here in California, the bars are only open until 2 a.m. and sometimes, that's just too early for us. But in Vegas, EVERYTHING IS OPEN. You're on The Strip drinking at 3 a.m.? No one cares because Billy Joe next to you is doing the exact same time.

1. It's Disneyland for adults.

This is what I love most about the Vegas. I feel like a kid in a candy store when I'm there. Do you remember your first trip to Disneyland as a kid? How magical and fun everything was? That's the Vegas. Everything is so magical, so interesting. People seem funnier, the sun seems hotter, and strangers seem like your best friends. Also, there's a roller coaster and a couple of trams and shuttles from hotel to hotel. That's like Disneyland, right?

I am so excited for the Vegas tomorrow. I can't wait to make some more memories with my amazing friends.

Top Twenty Roadtrip Highlights

Oh, boy. It has been awhile. As I said last time, I went on a roadtrip last week to pick up my friend Kathleen and bring her home for the summer, so that's why there was no post. I didn't really have any access to the interwebz in the middle of po-dunk Texas. Because I couldn't really think of anything to talk about and I'm still trying to get out of vacation mode, I'm going to share with you some choice highlights of my trip. They're kind of just in order of occurrence instead of placing them in a specific order. 

Why?

I'm lazy. Suck it up.

20. I always see celebs in airports

It's true. One time, I was at the Nashville airport and I met Lucy Hale, Aria from ABC Family's hit tv show Pretty Little Liars. She's a nice lady. 

This time around, I managed to spot celebrity chef Alton Brown. It was incredibly difficult to get this photo because I think that he noticed that I was trying to take a picture of him. At one point, he would bend down behind a lady whenever I took out my phone as if to hide from the photo snapping paparazzi (aka me). I didn't get a chance talk to him but I've heard that he is a nice guy in person. 

To be honest, I never watch any of his shows. I am not a fan of The Food Network because I do not find joy or entertainment in watching other people cook things that I will never want to spend the time or money cooking. My 10 minute frozen meals suffice just fine. I just open the bag, put the pasta or whatever it is in the pan, turn on the stove, and find something to do for ten minutes. Bing bang boom---dinner is served.

Also, I saw this guy.

19. The plane boss, the plane!

I didn't realize that flying on American Airlines meant I would be flying from LAX to the Oklahoma City Airport in an elongated tin can. 

The gentleman who sat next to me was damn near close to 7 feet tall and definitely came from Southern money. We were in very close quarters and had a nice chat but as soon as the plane took off, he buried his head in his hand and closed his eyes until the plane landed two and a half hours later. I couldn't really move to get my backpack and read my book or eat my Subway sandwich so I spent the entire flight listening to music and playing solitaire on my iPod. 

18. The Walking Dead

As I stood outside of the airport waiting for Kathleen and our friend Kelli to pick me up, I noticed that there was next to no one there. I felt like I had walked off the plane and into the world of The Walking Dead. I was a little freaked out, until Kathleen called and informed that I was standing in the departures drop-off instead of the arrivals pick-up. Because I'm a genius.

17. $2 beers on the reg!

After the airport, we went to a bar called Finnigan's in Stillwater. Oklahoma is a magical place. $2 pints everyday. 

You heard me. Two. Dollar. Pints.

I don't know how much their happy hour beers would cost, but I hope it's like...fifty cents. 

The alcohol by volume is less than that of California though. But I still had a good buzz going off the Pabst I was drinking due to my lack of sandwich.  

16. Change in plans

We checked the weather when we got back from the bar and discovered that Denver expected snowfall which was unfortunate because we were looking forward to seeing the worlds largest prairie dog in Kansas on our way to Denver. So we decided to stay in Oklahoma for one more day and hope that the snow would melt. 

We didn't get to see the prairie dogs. We're very upset about this.

15. Meth-town USA

Since we were stuck in Oklahoma for an extra day, we decided to go shopping in Tulsa.

Getting to Tulsa from Stillwater was kind of an adventure if you've been born and raised in California. Whenever I drive somewhere, I'm used to the open freeways with clear signs of where I'm going. 

The road from Stillwater to Tulsa was a one lane in each direction road for a good 45 minutes of the drive. We drove through some of the smallest towns I've ever seen---one of which is apparently the meth capital of America. It was one of the bigger towns that we passed through, but it was still kind of a sad place to drive through. 

14. Walmart is poppin'

We went to Wally World, and it was as if that was the place to be. 

Also, everyone in the state of Oklahoma wears running shorts at all hours of the day. I couldn't even count how many pairs of running shorts that I saw in my short period of time there. 

13. Joe-garitas are a life changing experience

We went to dinner at Kelli and her boyfriend Joe's house. Joe-garitas are magical beverages that everyone should consume at some point in their lives. I had 3 of them and had a good level of drunk. I slept like a baby.

12. Wacky weather

This looks safe.

Throughout the trip, we endured just about every kind of weather there is, with the exception of snow. If we would've stuck with our original plan of going through Denver, then we would've hit snow. 

On Wednesday is was hot and humid, just like the Bible Belt should be. But that night it got windy and cool. The next morning, we woke up to hard rain and drove in the harsh wind for several hours before we hit a spot that didn't have severe weather. 

We drove in the cold rain, in the warm Texas/New Mexico/Arizona heat, and into the blazing temperatures of Las Vegas. 

11. Coolest thing in Texas: Truck Stops

I don't think that I will ever understand why anyone would want to go to the state of Texas. The coolest thing we saw in Texas, was one of the truck stops off Route 40. This was like the Disneyland of truck stops. Not only was there a Denny's attached to it, but there were showers inside of it. And a salon to get your hair cut. And a big theater to watch tv shows in. It was crazy cool. 

The rest of Texas looked like this:

Actual Photo of Texas

10. Margs and Swanky New Mexican restaurants

There is this really good New Mexican restaurant in Albuquerque, NM. We did not think that it would be as classy as it was, so we went in looking like crap. Our meal and margs cost $50, but it was well worth the money for that deliciousness.

9. Poppin' bottles in an Albuquerque gas station

Gas stations in Albuquerque have full liquor stores within them. I bought a bottle of Jack for $20 at 10 in the morning. Pinky, up.

8. So many Native American attractions...

New Mexico and Arizona highways are just riddled with Native American attractions. I wanted to stop and see all of them, but Vegas was calling. I think the best one I saw was the school bus on top of the mini-mountain. I really want to know what that school bus was doing.

7. CRACKER BARREL

Need I say more?

6. Speeding tickets are super fun

I got a speeding ticket in Arizona for going 93 in a 75. On the plus side, the cop knocked it down to a civil ticket so he didn't have to arrest me but on the downside, I am still kind of brooding about having to spend $65+ to take an online traffic school course. 

5. I can't drive Kathleen's car

In all of the years that the two of us have been friends, I usually drive her car around because she does not enjoy driving. I drove her car for maybe 5 hours throughout the whole trip, and I was freaked out the whole time. We have determined that I am afraid to drive it because it's new. With any luck I can get used to driving Lil' Dwayne before we make the trip back to Oklahoma in July.

4. VEGAS
It's not even funny how much I love The Vegas. I always come home with the weirdest stories and I am so sure that one of these days I am going to get arrested. 

This particular trip was for a bachelorette party, so I toned down my typical Vegas behavior to a bare minimum. I didn't want to spoil the trip for the bride to be by getting arrested or getting too drunk. 

Don't get me wrong, I got properly wasted, just not as much as I usually do. I can show self control sometimes.

On a lovely Saturday in the Vegas, I was hungover as shit. But when it subsided around 2 in the afternoon, I showered and left the hotel to get Subway. I couldn't find Subway, so I settled for pizza and a half yard drink. It was a delicious combination, if I do say so myself. 


3. VEGAS again (I really love the Vegas)

Only in Vegas, will you find that limousines are cheaper than cabs. We met a guy our first night in town who drove us around the strip for $35---so with 7 people it was $5 a person. You just can't beat that!

This beautiful photo of my right are was taken in a drunken stupor on Saturday night. We had just left The Bank---a swanky club in The Bellagio. 

God, I love The Vegas.






2. LOST: The Vegas Chronicles

On our way home on Sunday, we stopped for gas then promptly got lost and drove around the Vegas suburbs. It took us an hour to find the damn freeway. All because someone didn't want to turn left after the gas station. 

1. The Long Ride Home

We left our hotel around 11:30 am. We did not get home until about 6:15. It was a long drive, filled with bumper to bumper traffic and terrible country music. 

I really hate country music.





Well. That was exhausting. 

Next Thursday will be super special because it's the day before my birthday. So get excited.