Top Twenty Roadtrip Highlights

Oh, boy. It has been awhile. As I said last time, I went on a roadtrip last week to pick up my friend Kathleen and bring her home for the summer, so that's why there was no post. I didn't really have any access to the interwebz in the middle of po-dunk Texas. Because I couldn't really think of anything to talk about and I'm still trying to get out of vacation mode, I'm going to share with you some choice highlights of my trip. They're kind of just in order of occurrence instead of placing them in a specific order. 

Why?

I'm lazy. Suck it up.

20. I always see celebs in airports

It's true. One time, I was at the Nashville airport and I met Lucy Hale, Aria from ABC Family's hit tv show Pretty Little Liars. She's a nice lady. 

This time around, I managed to spot celebrity chef Alton Brown. It was incredibly difficult to get this photo because I think that he noticed that I was trying to take a picture of him. At one point, he would bend down behind a lady whenever I took out my phone as if to hide from the photo snapping paparazzi (aka me). I didn't get a chance talk to him but I've heard that he is a nice guy in person. 

To be honest, I never watch any of his shows. I am not a fan of The Food Network because I do not find joy or entertainment in watching other people cook things that I will never want to spend the time or money cooking. My 10 minute frozen meals suffice just fine. I just open the bag, put the pasta or whatever it is in the pan, turn on the stove, and find something to do for ten minutes. Bing bang boom---dinner is served.

Also, I saw this guy.

19. The plane boss, the plane!

I didn't realize that flying on American Airlines meant I would be flying from LAX to the Oklahoma City Airport in an elongated tin can. 

The gentleman who sat next to me was damn near close to 7 feet tall and definitely came from Southern money. We were in very close quarters and had a nice chat but as soon as the plane took off, he buried his head in his hand and closed his eyes until the plane landed two and a half hours later. I couldn't really move to get my backpack and read my book or eat my Subway sandwich so I spent the entire flight listening to music and playing solitaire on my iPod. 

18. The Walking Dead

As I stood outside of the airport waiting for Kathleen and our friend Kelli to pick me up, I noticed that there was next to no one there. I felt like I had walked off the plane and into the world of The Walking Dead. I was a little freaked out, until Kathleen called and informed that I was standing in the departures drop-off instead of the arrivals pick-up. Because I'm a genius.

17. $2 beers on the reg!

After the airport, we went to a bar called Finnigan's in Stillwater. Oklahoma is a magical place. $2 pints everyday. 

You heard me. Two. Dollar. Pints.

I don't know how much their happy hour beers would cost, but I hope it's like...fifty cents. 

The alcohol by volume is less than that of California though. But I still had a good buzz going off the Pabst I was drinking due to my lack of sandwich.  

16. Change in plans

We checked the weather when we got back from the bar and discovered that Denver expected snowfall which was unfortunate because we were looking forward to seeing the worlds largest prairie dog in Kansas on our way to Denver. So we decided to stay in Oklahoma for one more day and hope that the snow would melt. 

We didn't get to see the prairie dogs. We're very upset about this.

15. Meth-town USA

Since we were stuck in Oklahoma for an extra day, we decided to go shopping in Tulsa.

Getting to Tulsa from Stillwater was kind of an adventure if you've been born and raised in California. Whenever I drive somewhere, I'm used to the open freeways with clear signs of where I'm going. 

The road from Stillwater to Tulsa was a one lane in each direction road for a good 45 minutes of the drive. We drove through some of the smallest towns I've ever seen---one of which is apparently the meth capital of America. It was one of the bigger towns that we passed through, but it was still kind of a sad place to drive through. 

14. Walmart is poppin'

We went to Wally World, and it was as if that was the place to be. 

Also, everyone in the state of Oklahoma wears running shorts at all hours of the day. I couldn't even count how many pairs of running shorts that I saw in my short period of time there. 

13. Joe-garitas are a life changing experience

We went to dinner at Kelli and her boyfriend Joe's house. Joe-garitas are magical beverages that everyone should consume at some point in their lives. I had 3 of them and had a good level of drunk. I slept like a baby.

12. Wacky weather

This looks safe.

Throughout the trip, we endured just about every kind of weather there is, with the exception of snow. If we would've stuck with our original plan of going through Denver, then we would've hit snow. 

On Wednesday is was hot and humid, just like the Bible Belt should be. But that night it got windy and cool. The next morning, we woke up to hard rain and drove in the harsh wind for several hours before we hit a spot that didn't have severe weather. 

We drove in the cold rain, in the warm Texas/New Mexico/Arizona heat, and into the blazing temperatures of Las Vegas. 

11. Coolest thing in Texas: Truck Stops

I don't think that I will ever understand why anyone would want to go to the state of Texas. The coolest thing we saw in Texas, was one of the truck stops off Route 40. This was like the Disneyland of truck stops. Not only was there a Denny's attached to it, but there were showers inside of it. And a salon to get your hair cut. And a big theater to watch tv shows in. It was crazy cool. 

The rest of Texas looked like this:

Actual Photo of Texas

10. Margs and Swanky New Mexican restaurants

There is this really good New Mexican restaurant in Albuquerque, NM. We did not think that it would be as classy as it was, so we went in looking like crap. Our meal and margs cost $50, but it was well worth the money for that deliciousness.

9. Poppin' bottles in an Albuquerque gas station

Gas stations in Albuquerque have full liquor stores within them. I bought a bottle of Jack for $20 at 10 in the morning. Pinky, up.

8. So many Native American attractions...

New Mexico and Arizona highways are just riddled with Native American attractions. I wanted to stop and see all of them, but Vegas was calling. I think the best one I saw was the school bus on top of the mini-mountain. I really want to know what that school bus was doing.

7. CRACKER BARREL

Need I say more?

6. Speeding tickets are super fun

I got a speeding ticket in Arizona for going 93 in a 75. On the plus side, the cop knocked it down to a civil ticket so he didn't have to arrest me but on the downside, I am still kind of brooding about having to spend $65+ to take an online traffic school course. 

5. I can't drive Kathleen's car

In all of the years that the two of us have been friends, I usually drive her car around because she does not enjoy driving. I drove her car for maybe 5 hours throughout the whole trip, and I was freaked out the whole time. We have determined that I am afraid to drive it because it's new. With any luck I can get used to driving Lil' Dwayne before we make the trip back to Oklahoma in July.

4. VEGAS
It's not even funny how much I love The Vegas. I always come home with the weirdest stories and I am so sure that one of these days I am going to get arrested. 

This particular trip was for a bachelorette party, so I toned down my typical Vegas behavior to a bare minimum. I didn't want to spoil the trip for the bride to be by getting arrested or getting too drunk. 

Don't get me wrong, I got properly wasted, just not as much as I usually do. I can show self control sometimes.

On a lovely Saturday in the Vegas, I was hungover as shit. But when it subsided around 2 in the afternoon, I showered and left the hotel to get Subway. I couldn't find Subway, so I settled for pizza and a half yard drink. It was a delicious combination, if I do say so myself. 


3. VEGAS again (I really love the Vegas)

Only in Vegas, will you find that limousines are cheaper than cabs. We met a guy our first night in town who drove us around the strip for $35---so with 7 people it was $5 a person. You just can't beat that!

This beautiful photo of my right are was taken in a drunken stupor on Saturday night. We had just left The Bank---a swanky club in The Bellagio. 

God, I love The Vegas.






2. LOST: The Vegas Chronicles

On our way home on Sunday, we stopped for gas then promptly got lost and drove around the Vegas suburbs. It took us an hour to find the damn freeway. All because someone didn't want to turn left after the gas station. 

1. The Long Ride Home

We left our hotel around 11:30 am. We did not get home until about 6:15. It was a long drive, filled with bumper to bumper traffic and terrible country music. 

I really hate country music.





Well. That was exhausting. 

Next Thursday will be super special because it's the day before my birthday. So get excited.