A Day in the Life (Part 1)

OK. Don't hate me. This isn't the music review. I know, I suck. I ended up going out the night after my last post so I haven't gotten a chance to clean it up. What you're reading now is something completely new. Last night, my friends and I were at Starbucks studying for our finals. During a procrastination break, Kate decided that she wanted to follow me around for a day. She wanted to know what I do when I'm not with her, her sister Sarah, at work, drinking, or on the internet. Essentially she wanted to know what my weekdays were like. I'm going to be honest with you---I'm not that exciting. The status' I post on Bookface are merely the highlights of my day. Ideas were tossed around that she would follow me around pretending to be a foreign exchange student but the more I thought about it the more I realized that having her follow me for a day would just be just us hanging out. So last night, I decided to document my every move. Well, almost my every move. Today was a particularly boring day, I didn't have too much interaction due to a severe lack of sleep and grumpiness so I decided to spread this into a three day segment. And because tomorrow and Thursday are (in theory) filled with super exciting plans, I have decided that I would share those days with you too. So without further ado, here's the first day of my last three days the Fall 2012 semester. 

*disclaimer: The app I'm using has an online counterpart to it so I'm just copy and pasting it verbatim from what I had typed out on my phone all day. There's no way in hell that I'm re-typing all of that shit out.*


12:08 AM: Answer phone because Lam is calling. He asks about my plans to sell my blood on Thursday. 
12:20: Leave Kate and Sarah's apartment. Talk to Aiyana about shoe sizes for a few minutes.
12:26: Call Kathleen and talk on my way home
12:40: Arrive home. Continue talking to Kathleen while doing the dishes. She's mad because I kept a secret from her. 
12:45: Eat a snowman cupcake
12:50: Boot up computer, start editing Kathleen's paper on Google docs, hang up phone.
12:54: Call Kathleen back to tell her to change her sharing preferences on Google docs. Hang up phone.
12:55 Begin editing paper while watching HIMYM
2:20: Finish editing. Call Kathleen. She says she'll call me back. 
2:22: Log onto amazon to buy her Christmas present
2:27: She calls me back. Shes added more to the paper and changed the edits I made. 
3:07: Finish 2nd edit. Call Kathleen. 
3:10: Set 4 alarms
3:15: Lay down and download notepad app
3:25: Bathroom 
3:27: Back to bed
3:39: Finish updating notepad for the night
3:45: Play flow free.
Undetermined time: Sleeps.
7:40: Wake up. Fuck life. Reset alarm for 8.
8:15: Wake up. Check Facebook. Poke Jessica. 
8:17: Showertime
8:37: Exit shower
8:43: Make dinosaur egg oatmeal
8:44: Pour orange juice. My throat's been hurting lately so I put some Emergen-C in it. It tastes like shit with water.
8:45: Didn't put enough water in oatmeal. Put more and reheat for 30 seconds. 
8:46: Eat oatmeal. 
8:46: Burn mouth on oatmeal. Drink OJ.
8:47: Fuck up notepad app. Delete a bunch of shit on accident.
8:47: Answer dumb questions from mom
8:49: Retype everything from 8:17 to now
8:57: Finish oatmeal
8:57: Check instagram. Silently judge everyone. Especially lexxamack. She a ho.
8:58: Discuss issues with mom about upcoming family vacation
9:01: Put on contacts
9:02: Plug in phone. Blow dry hair.
9:09: Finish hair. Brush teeth.
9:12: Clothes have been in dryer for 4 days. Dgaf. Get articles of clothing that I need right now.
9:15: Get dressed
9:25: Get two Rockstars from the fridge. Put in backpack
9:27: Leave house. Say hi to Richard's mom as she walks the dog 
9:28: Get in truck and go.
9:30: Answer Kathleen's text while driving. Suck on that, cop car in front of me.
9:32: Park at Vons
9:34: Find cake for Sam
9:35: Ask bakery clerk to write Happy Birthday Sam on the cake. He better fucking go to class today.
9:37: Get Christmas cookies 
9:38: Text Kate to tell her I'm documenting my life for 3 days because of her desire to follow me around for a day to see what I do when I'm not with her and her sister, at work or on the internet.
9:39: Run into Olga from work while in line. We both work for Vons and we run into each other in a different Vons. Awkward.
9:40: Kate texts back: "yessssss"
9:42: Realize the lady behind me is Andrew Howat's mom aka Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus. Double awkward.
9:47: Head to school
9:57: Enter parking lot
9:58: Make first loop of parking lot. Sing Coldplay on the radio.
10:02: Realize I didn't get Sam a fork for his cake. Fuck.
10:06: I've got the moves like Jagger
10:09: Park truck
10:10: Put in headphones and turn on iPod  *note to self: clean truck before next Tuesday for Kathleen.* walk to class
10:16: There's another class in our classroom? Confusion 
10:17: Realize we're in a different room today
10:19: Get to class. Take out Rockstar. Give Sam his cake.
12:30: Class is over. We watched Where the Buffalo Roam and ate food. It was funny. Walking to the library to finish writing a paper for my novel analysis class later tonight. 
12:33: Decide that it's a nice day out so I'll write outside for a little while. 
12:34: Table's wet. To the student lounge!
1:07: I've spent the last half hour playing Flow Free. It's too loud in here to concentrate. To the library!
1:08: I just spotted a toddler running about and there's a silver Toyota Camry blasting rap and driving on campus walkways. Only black people.
1:13: I'm sitting in my usual cubicle in the back part of library. Time to bullshit this paper.
2:54: Wrote a lot. Am almost done I think. Bathroom.
2:58: Walk to Global Com. Smells like shit behind buildings M and N because of the feral cats.
3:02: The class/computer lab has new computers and my usual spot has been turned around to face a wall. Sit in a new spot so I can finish writing my paper in class. The screen is giant and hides me from Cindy's view. Sorry, Cindy. At least I read Chapter 13 this time! AND took notes on it!
3:08: All of these people are flipping out over the new computers. Calm the fuck down people, they're just Dells.
4:15: Class ends. Cindy lets me finish my paper in the lab so I can print for free. 
4:45: Finally finished. 1/4 of a page short but idgaf. I have the highest grade in the class anyway. Starts walking to cafeteria for food.
4:56: Order a grilled cheese and curly fries. Didn't realize how hungry I am until now. 
5:00: Ordered mushrooms on my grilled cheese. Cook forgot them. I kind of feel like an ass for making him re-do it buuuut who the fuck eats mushrooms on the side? 
5:11: This sandwich is delicious. The girl next to me has bright lavender hair, dressed like a hipster, and talks like a chola. Interesting.
5:26: Walking to my truck to get my 2nd can of Rockstar. I have a half hour to kill. Wtf do I do with my life?
5:30: Decide to rummage through my truck to find some books to sell back. This girl clearly does not understand the "I'm not leaving" head-shake. Sit in your car for as long as you want. 
5:34: Find 3 books I can sell back today. The girl in the car glared at me as she walked by. It's not my fault you didn't pay attention to my signals. Bitch you wanna fight?!?
5:41: A whole $12.50. Hooty hoo!!
5:43: Decide to walk to class the back way. I've never done this at night before but I'm willing to test fate. I've been keeping a pen in my pocket to use as a weapon in case of an attack since my knife is MIA. I'm not paranoid at all.
5:47: Realize that it's brighter on this side of campus than going through the quad. That's safe.
5:50: Arrive in class. There's 5 of us in here so far. There's like 9 total. Wait maybe 10? I've never seen that girl before. We're such a small class that no one's bonded or even really spoken to each other all semester so it's really awkward in here right now. 
5:53: 7 minutes for Flow Free? I think yes.
5:58: We had to move into a smaller square of desks. When class starts I'm going to doodle the fuck out of what's left of my notebook.
6:00: He's collecting revisions of exam and the first essay. I totally forgot that he had given that as an extra credit assignment. Oh well. I got a B on the exam and an A on the paper.
6:17: The guy next to me is gross. Last week I watched him pick his zits. Soulmate.
6:27: This girl just said "conversate" in a sentence. She must be exterminated.
6:38: Every time the teacher asks a question everyone looks at me and zit-picker because we keep arguing. Sorry if I think Vonnegut is better than your sci-fi Star Wars fan-fiction. C'mon people we can't be the only two who read this book!
7:25: Ended class an hour and a half early because Conversate girl fell asleep. Slinking in the shadows back to my truck.
7:32: It's freezing in my truck and my heater doesn't work. Shit.
7:35: New Blink song on KROQ? I'd be more excited if it wasn't so mellow
7:37: Probably shouldn't do this while driving. I'm the safest safety captain ever.
7:43: Home. My dad can't stop talking about the birds. Apparently they really like the movie "The Bourne Legacy" and Christmas songs in commercials
7:47: Discussing travel plans with the padre. Apparently he told my uncle that I would either throw his sister overboard or go on a killing spree if I was roommates with her on the boat. To be fair, it's a fairly accurate description of my initial thoughts on the subject.
8:13: StudyforaclassIdidn'tdoanythingforallsemester time!
9:04: Sparknoting all of the pieces that were discussed in the review. I have 14 pages so far. Eek. His last test was pretty easy so hopefully this will be too.
9:58: I have spent the last half hour doing posting old assignments to my British Lit. Class's website. I'm hoping he'll give me a couple of points for credit.
10:00: About to start blogging this day so I can go to bed earlyish. I shouldn't have agreed to take a shift and open tomorrow.
10:15: Find Green Lantern action figure. Make him fly around my desk.
10:30: Find Lego Batman figure. MAKE THEM FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
10:45 Batman wins. As expected.
10:55 El Fin.

Ok soooo that was my Tuesday. Kinda lame. I know there are more thoughts towards the end of my day but that's because I finally woke up from my sleepy stupor. I haven't slept much due to finals and as a result my brain doesn't start to function until like...4 in the afternoon. I don't want to promise anything, but tomorrow should be more exciting. I have to be up at 5 soooo I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight, internet.   

"It's Closing Time, One Last Call for Caramel Macchaito""

Oh hai internet/Russians. I know it's been awhile but I've been busy. Don't worry---I haven't forgotten about you. I actually should be studying for finals and working on homework but ehhh who needs school, right? You people are much more important. Priorities. I know in a previous post I promised you guys a "secret project" and it's still a work in progress but I'll get to that later. I also have been slowly working on a 2012 music review so you have that to look forward to in the next week or so. 

I'm currently listening to the new K-E-DOLLARSIGN-S-H-A so I apologize if I'm a little more vulgar than usual. No I don't. Oh shit the guy doing background vocals for the song "Only Wanna Dance With You" sounds like Paul Banks from the band Interpol. Shit, I hope it is. Goddammit there is a point to this post, I swear.

Anyways. 

Lately, when I'm not at work I can be found in a coffee shop making an attempt to study but usually just end up talking to my friends. With finals fast approaching, this time has been precious so we've actually been working on assignments and studying hard over multiple cups of coffee in our almost daily meetings. We usually meet around 7:30 pm and work straight on till midnight. We've been frequenting the same coffee shop in a rather large chain of coffee shops because we like the baristas. Most, if not all, seem to recognize us day in and day out and treat us with an almost friendship-like kindness. The one shop visit is one in a very large chain of coffee shops and is by no means the closest location to our homes but we still go out of our way to do our work there due to this stellar staff. We talk to these people. We tip these people. A couple of them even know what drinks I like from memory. That's how close we are to this caffeinated establishment. And it's not just my few friends that these barista's are nice to---after a certain time of night everyone in the shop is a regular visitor. Everyone is super cool to us except for one guy.

This bearded fellow is not a manager or supervisor of any kind---just a regular barista who has been working there for a long time. I've picked up on his rude demeanor before and ignored it, but tonight I just could not help but say something. I have a habit of speaking my mind loudly---thoughts that would usually be reserved for quite comments between friends---if someone is being rude or blatantly arrogant. Sometimes, people are just too frustrating to not say something. 

In recent weeks, I've noticed that whenever this guy is working, he tends to plug his mp3 playing contraption into the shop sound system and plays Semisonic's 1998 hit song "Closing Time" ten minutes to closing. The first time he did it, I thought it was clever and a little funny. Two nights later he did it again and my first thought was "Really? everyone in here right now comes in every single day". So naturally I said loudly "That's so clever. Comedic gold right there!" and the people around me gave a chuckle as the guy announced that the place would be closing in ten minutes. I know he heard me because he gave me a funny look but I didn't say anything further. My friend and I packed up our stuff and left. 

Tonight, ten minutes to midnight like clockwork, the music cued up and my friends and I all rolled our eyes at each other as the bearded barista stepped out from behind the counter to announce that the shop would be closing in ten minutes. Thirty seconds after his announcement, no on had moved to pack up their things so he added the comment: "That means stop what you're doing and pack up your stuff and leave by twelve" then stomped off to the back room. Seriously, guy? There was no need for that. We heard your announcement the first time and if that wasn't a clue then your song choice certainly was.

 Because our table was in earshot of the counter, we overheard another barista ask him why he added the last comment. "I closed on Monday and some people didn't leave until 12:03." Really? You act as if you would be leaving at exactly midnight when you lock the door. For a very, very brief period of time I was a barista for the same chain of coffee houses and I know that no one leaves right when you close. AND on top of that, you have three other people helping you clean up. In theory you should be able to leave in under a half hour with that kind of help. 

One of my friends who is usually rather timid even spoke up about this with a not-so-soft "That was rude." While my friends began packing their things, I continued working on my homework. I had ten minutes. I was going to make this guy wait as long as humanly possible. I was determined to be that asshole. Five minutes till, one of the women sitting next to our table walked to the counter and asked for one more beverage. The girl behind the counter happily obliged while the guy glared at the woman in irritation. About three minutes to midnight, a couple walked into the door. An evil smile spread across my face as I began to pack up my things. "I hope they order ten drinks," I whispered to my friends. They lightly chuckled as we creepily listened in to the couple order their drinks. They were greeted with a hyper friendly "Hi how's your night going?" by beard-o, followed by a not so friendly "we close in three minutes". The girl ignored his rudeness and after ordering their drinks commented on the song choice. "Yeah, I play it every time I close in hopes that people will get the hint and leave right away." Ok, ok, I get it. You're closing and you want people to leave. I'm often the closer at my work too and I understand the irritation of lingering people after you close but at the same time i won't complain about it to another customer. That's the business you work in bro, you have to deal with people. It's part of your job to be friendly to paying customers. I get that you want to go home, but there's no need to be rude about it. 

He also told that same woman "Yeah, I have to work at 9 tomorrow, so I want to get as much as I can cleaned up now so I don't have to do it in the morning." OOOOOOK. So many things are wrong about his statement. Where do I begin? The shop opens at 6 AM. At the earliest, the opening barista will have to come in at 5 to set up the shop and make sure everything is prepared for the remainder of the day. 5. Not 9. 5. When this guy comes in at 9, the only thing he'll have to do is make some fucking coffee.  Don't act like you have sooooo many things to do when you come into work at 9. And even if you did have a million things to do, you have no reason to be rude to paying customers. Your song choice is not clever. Your rude tone is not appreciated. You will no longer be getting my tip, sir. 

Stories like this usually have messages or morals at the end right? Well here's mine: If you work in food service or any kind of customer service for that matter, don't be rude to your customers, regular or not. People with these jobs often wonder why they get the asshole customer who purposely hangs around after you've told them you're closed and it's usually because you're the asshole. People can tell when you're tired so they usually know the difference between tired and rude. If you make a snarky comment like this guy, then prepare for a building full of assholes that will purposely make your night irritable. Businesses get regulars because they're friendly. Not overly friendly, but polite friendly. Or maybe overly friendly if that person is into that sort of thing. Whatever. I don't judge. Well, depending on the person. if it was beard-o then I would definitely judge. Because he's a dick.

I have decided that every time this guy closes, I'm going to make his life hell. Because I am an asshole who does not have the tolerance for other assholes. Especially ones who ruin good songs for me. 

El Fin.

I know that I promised I would talk about the "secret project" and I wanted to add more to it tonight so you'll really get the gist of what it's about but it's damn near 4 am and I have to be up at like...7:30. So when I post the music review....probably sometime tomorrow...I'll talk about it. I'm sorry. I don't mean to keep you in suspense. I know Russians don't like surprises. Don't kill me.

*Afterthought: So...I thought I had mentioned that I was working on a secret project in an older post but after a quick look at my other blogs I don't think I had mentioned it before now. So SURPRISE! I'm working on a secret project. I must've mentioned it to a friend or thought about mentioning it or I just can't read. I don't know. I'm going to bed.*

Hemingway meets Stephanie Meyer

If you understand the title of this post, than I applaud you. If not...well I understand why it would be confusing. I have been debating for a long time whether or not I should do a drunk blog and since I stopped drinking at midnight and it is now 20 minutes to 4 and I am still drunk, I decided that there is no time like the present. 

I did not know that there could be a film worse than Troll 2 by Breaking Dawn Part 2 proved me wrong. My night began by sipping different alcohol mixtures in my friends apartment in an effort to make a good mixed drink for a co-worker and myself. We had planned to sneak the bottles into the theater and drink during the movie. It worked, but I didn't really drink too much of it. But I'll come back to that. 

A few of us met at El Torito and I had a couple of goblets of Dos Equis. Then we relocated to TGIF's for their happy hour. After a few drinks and a shot, I was gone. Something weird happened and I lost one of the movie tickets but we managed to get everyone in the theater anyway with our magical drunken genius. We all got in and started passing around my flask of whiskey and the magical mixtures. Those of us who went to the bar were pretty damn drunk at this point, so we were relatively obnoxious. 

The movie was terrible. I don't know if it's because I was drunk or what but everything about it was one big joke. The baby was CGIed and the writing was awful. We could not stop laughing the entire time. I deeply regret agreeing to see the movie again with another friend who was not present. The movie seemed short and I was surprised when we got out and I noticed that the time was 2:30. There was a huge twist and it shouldn't have surprised me but it did because I read the books many years ago.

The song during the end credits was incredibly cheesy and the fact that they had to include every. single. character that had been in the previous 4 films without any mention in the last was dumb. This series was no Harry Potter and they probably could've fit the last two installments into one movie. 

My overall drunk rating is a 2. But only because of Kellan Lutz's arms. 

I'm going to eat my sandwich now. Goodnight moon.

Why I Hate Election Time

I didn't even bother coming up with a witty title for this one. This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart. Not really, but it something that's irritating to me and a vast majority of the sane people in my life. Shortest intro to a topic ever. 

1. People complaining that non-voters have no right to complain

Okay let's be real here. Our economy is shit regardless of who is in office. If you're American, you automatically have the right to complain about whatever the fuck you want. Take me for example, if I want to complain about elections then I'm going to complain about elections. Who's stopping me? No one. With this particular presidential election it's essentially a coin toss between living the next four years in a slow decline or Mormon's finally making a name for themselves other than cultists with a thousand children from different baby mamas. Either way, we're fucked. 

2. Religion and politics

They're supposed to be two separate things but no matter how you look at it they go hand in hand. However religious leaders passing out pamphlets telling their congregations how to vote? That's like saying "you have two flavors of ice cream to choose from little Jimmy, but rainbow sherbet makes your mouth colorful so pick vanilla". People have the right to their own opinions regardless of their religious beliefs so stop trying to spin your beliefs in a way that will influence the uninformed without giving them an unbiased opinion. 

3. People who only discuss politics when the elections are near

Really? You don't really watch the news or read the newspaper so why do you suddenly decide to talk about politics in November? We all know that you don't talk about politics at any other time so why make it seem like you care now? If you truly cared about what goes on in the political world then it would come out in your everyday conversations on a normal basis. You're not fooling anyone. I don't generally enter political discussions because I genuinely don't give a shit. 

4. Voting day

It's today. Facebook and every other social media outlet has been blowing up with "If you don't vote, you'll die tomorrow" and  "I voted, did you?" and "#teamwhateverthefuck". It's all we hear about for a 24 hour period. Guess what? NO ONE CARES! Election day is the one day every four years where a large part of the American population all do the exact same thing in the same day so why do you need to alert the media? If it's really that important to know that you did something that someone else is doing, then I'm going to start tweeting every time I take a shit.  Another thing no one cares about is your Instagram and Facebook voting photos. Way to jump on the bandwagon---you took the exact same picture that everyone else has! WOOOO YOU'RE SO COOL NOW! The only reason why I want to sport a sticker around today is because my favorite local bar is giving out a free drink to anyone with a voting sticker.

If you are one of those people that I have touched on in this post, I'm not sorry for offending you. You should know that even if I like you as a person, I really don't give a shit that you voted today. And neither do your other 400 Facebook friends. No one is going to succumb to your voting peer pressure so stop being an annoying pain in the ass.

Slacking Made Easy

Ever since the formation of the school system, slacking has existed. It doesn't really matter how studious you are or aren't on a consistent basis, at one point or another you get stuck doing shit that you just don't want to do. That's just a part of life. I have been told on several occasions that I have turned slacking from something looked down upon by society to an art form. Over the years I have managed to get fairly good grades with doing the bare minimum amount of work even though it looks like I spent days working on whatever the task is. I'm not exactly proud of this ability, but I will say that I am rather impressed by myself sometimes. 
I know, I know. You're thinking "Kt, prove your ability to us" and "There is no way in hell that it is possible to score anything above a C in a half-assed assignment". Oh, random reader, I have proof. 

 The photo on your left is part of my proof. I am currently taking an English class and have not completely read any of the books so far. My goal before the end of the semester is to finish one of them but I've yet to find something that I can really get into. I took this midterm without really studying, mostly because I'm usually sitting in the back of the room reading something completely off topic. In this class I have also written a paper comparing Achilles from Homer's ancient Greek epic poem The Illiad to Harry Potter. Don't ask me how I did it, but I managed to get the only A in the class. I was the only one who did not read The Illiad and all of my Harry Potter examples came straight from memory. On the day of the midterm, my professor pulled me aside when I gave him my exam and asked if he could use a couple of paragraphs on the overhead in the next class period as an example of exceptional work. 

A second example also occurred this past week. In my Global Communications class I wrote a short essay about television in the late '60s-early '70's comparing Adam-12 to Dexter. I also had to give a presentation on this. In said presentation, I flat out said "I was not prepared for this. Why did you make me come up here today?" When I got my paper back, I received full points for the presentation and was marked down one point on the paper for not answering one of the questions in the prompt. I wrote the essay an hour before it was due in the school computer lab. 

I can't exactly say that I dislike these two classes or that I have no interest in their topics, I just work a lot of late shifts that usually begin right after my classes end and I am too tired to do homework when I get home. I work five days a week and sometimes, I just can't find it in me to come home and study. 

With that being said, here is the one tip that will hopefully help you coast through something that's mildly important, but at the same time a bit too tedious for your schedule. Or just because you don't want to do them: choose what you know. It doesn't really matter what the prompt or the topic of whatever you're doing is, pick something you have some knowledge about and research the rest. Let's take the paper for example. As previously stated, I did not read the book nor do I really know anything about Achilles. I read snippets of the story on Sparknotes and pulled examples from that. The quotes I used came from the "Important Quotations Explained" section. The rest of it was cake. I am very knowledgeable about Harry Potter lore and used specific examples of from all seven novels without looking up facts or anything. I simply just wrote about what I knew. 

It really is that easy. Try it next time you have little time to complete a paper or project. Just pick something that you know and focus on that. If I can do it, you can do it. 

*sidenote: I don't know if anyone from City Mag still reads this, but don't tell Cindy that I did that with the television project. Although, I'm sure she already knows. Cindy if you read this, I'm sorry. I can't promise that I won't do it again, but hey at least I've been making it to class on time and turning my stuff in, right?*

Has Anyone Ever Posted a Retraction Blog? Because This is Happening

A few months ago I wrote a post titled "Why Is This Not Funny?" about Grace Helbig's YouTube channel DailyGrace. In said post, I stated that I did not think she was that funny and alluded to the thought that she has potential to be funny. In the months that have passed since that post, I have completed my "journey" and have watched every single DailyGrace video. I've noticed that in the past few months, her comedic tone has changed. I find myself laughing much more often and looking forward to her vlogs 5 days a week.  

My friend Kate also agrees that there has been a change in Grace's videos. She compared some of her older ones to the newer ones and we have both decided that she has gotten funnier. To me it seems like she was holding herself back before. She was trying to keep her videos kind of family friendly but in recent months it seems as if she has stopped giving any fucks. I like that. For example I have really enjoyed her Halloween Costume Videos. Here's the first one: HALLOWEEN COSTUME IDEAS 

With that being said, I would like to formally apologize to you, Grace Helbig. If by some miracle that you stumble upon this blog I do not want you to think that I hate you or something. Because you are pretty damn funny. If I run into you somewhere in LA, I will buy you a drink. Mostly because of your weight lifter joke in Hannah Hart's My Drunk Pumpkin video. Because I'm pretty sure if my friends and I were internet celebs, we would also get drunk on camera and paint the shit out of holiday produce. Except we'd use knives. Because we're safe.