Life At Sea

I have returned! Unfortunately, this particular post is mostly just me complaining. I had several people say that they wanted me to document my two week Hawaiian Cruise so I did so to the best of my ability. Due to my 14 day trip, I have cut this into 2 halves. I'm going to warn you now: I don't even like me for most of this post. I'm tired and can't really come up with more to say other than that. Good Luck. 

Day 1
-We're doing the lifeboat drill. My first thought is "SACRIFICE THE ELDERLY TO THE MIGHTY GOD POSEIDON! HE'LL SAVE US ALL!"
-"In case of an emergency, all of our employees are foreign and difficult to understand. Sooo you're pretty much fucked."
-3rd beer with Dad and it's 7 minutes to 5. He might kill me. I think this is the beginning of a blurry vacation.
-Need to take Day Quil to get rid of my cold. Don't have any water to swallow it with. My dad suggests beer. Oh god.
-Dad: who would've thought that you and I would be sitting at the bar throwing back a few beers before dinner. Me: given my childhood, this doesn't surprise me.
-Because the ship is bobbing up and down. We feel like we are walking like drunks but we're not drunk. My aunt just said the same thing and she's only had one drink. Dad: 3 Ktez: 3 Aunt Linda: 1 Mom: 2 Aunt Des: 2.
-Dinner time. Me and dad are getting mojitos for appetizers. Ahhhh greatest drinking buddy ever.
-Protip: red snapper "mojito" is not what it sounds like. Never. Again.
-Public bathrooms on boats are redicks huge.
-Me and dad want to be this old rich dude. He looks swagtastic in his white blazer and gold watch.
-Guinness in a can? Blasphemy.
-The show kind of sucked.
-It's super windy outside so the boats rocking a ton. This isn't helping with my current bladder situation.
-Watching Karaoke with the parents. Everyone is tired. I could probably drink and walk around all night. I want to go to the club oddly enough
-Everyone who asks me for my ID immediately apologizes for asking and gives me an explanation as to why they asked after I hand it to them. Cruise ships are weird.
-This little Canadian girl is singing "My Heart Will Go On" by Celine Dion. Pretty sure she just doomed us all to hell. I'M SORRY POSEIDON! BLAME CANADA!
-Apparently my Aunt Linda was shocked at my knowledge of '60s music that played during the show. And one of the acts mentioned a French jazz band and my dad was shocked and confused that I knew what it was. Everyone underestimates my knowledge of music.
-A pretty decent band covering the '60s and '70s at one of the bars. I just need my book and I could sit here listening to music and drinking Dos Equis all night.
-SWEET CAROOOOOOLINE! BOP BOP BOOOOOOP!
-My dad is surprised that I'm not even buzzed and we've been drinking all afternoon.  Beer is like water for me. Maybe I'll do a whiskey day to make him happy.
-Calling it an early night. Ran into the rest of the family in the hallway. I really have to pee. Goodnight.

Day 2
-I didn't even realize that I had slept. Or that Aunt Linda had gotten up and left to go to the gym with everyone else. I wonder how long the gym thing is going to last with them.
-I thought this would be a tard free vacation. I was so wrong.
-"Can I get 2 milkshakes? I have a big yard"---Bernadette
-Blew $40 in the casino. But I have a Jack and Coke in hand so things are looking up.
-Oh god. Squashed like canned sardines in the elevator behind King Tard.
-Why do you start singing happy birthday loudly when the waiters are singing at another table? Just stop and eat your food.
-2 Jack and Cokes and 2 glasses of wine in. I have an hour to kill. What to do, what to do.
-Good ol' Jack and Ginger
-I think the boat life has given my liver a coating of steel because apparently no matter how much I soak it in alcohol, I can't get a buzz.
-Sitting outside in the cold night air, we watch Total Recall on the big screen as my Dad orders us a bucket of Coors Light. We're just waiting for the midnight buffet
-"I'm drinking the last beer in this bucket because you've been drinking whiskey all day. And because I'm thirsty. And we're keeping this bucket."---Dad. We didn't keep the bucket.
-Goddamn Colin Farrell. Goddamn.
-Back in the room after the midnight buffet. Naturally I can't sleep because it's before 3am and I'm still sober after 2 Jack and Cokes, 4 Jack and Gingers, 2 glasses of wine, and 2.5 Coors Lights. Pretty sure I don't even need food anymore. Alcohol is my sustenance.
-Rooming with Aunt Linda is better than I expected. She's asleep before I am and wakes up before I do. I can even ignore the good ol' Cortez snoring problem. The fact that she sleeps in her underwear though. That kind of bothers me. 

Day 3
-It's 6:45 in the morning. Why am I awake you ask? Because the fucking high seas are rockin and rollin or some shit. 
-My stupid fucking disposable razor doesn't shave anything. Fuck it.
-According to the live TV feed of the front of the boat and the Captain's log channel, the waves are moderate and at most 7.5 ft. This doesn't fucking feel moderate.
-Ran into the family at the breakfast buffet. 
-I'm lost at the back of the boat and I might not make it out alive
-Success! I found the coffee shop!
-I'm watching these old Swedish ladies judge the extremely obese American family behind me. Bitches go back to your country. Leave them alone.
-The boat just made this big scary noise and jerked. A) We're being attacked by some massive creature B) It was just a normal boat noise C) We hit something. 
Either way, I've seen this movie and it does not end well for anyone. Except for Sharktopus. He always wins.
-3rd old couple to ask me if they can sit with me because all of the other tables are full. This is the nicest old couple I've ever met
-Discussed families and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo with the old couple. They understand me. 
-Aunt Linda asks me to read by flashlight tonight because my super dim bedside table light that stretches out to my side of the room kept her awake last night. 
-Sitting outside with Dad waiting for the burger and pizza stands to open and Blue Hawaii to start on the big screen. It's raining and people are swimming. Crazies.
-It might be beer time.
-I'm watching turtles eat off the side of rocks on the big screen. Invigorating.
-Dad forgot his to take his meds so he went back to the room, leaving me here to watch 2 tables.
-An overweight, crotchety old woman tried to take one of the chairs from our table. Bitch don't give me a dirty look when I say that we have 7 people coming. There's a beer right there. Clearly someone is sitting there.
-We all have like 8 blankets. We're never leaving.
-Dad got us a bucket of Coors. Apparently we're starting early today.
-Read while dad went to some Pearl Harbor lecture and the rest of the fam took dance lessons
-Dad wanted to watch Total Recall in one of the theaters. I fell asleep.
-All I did today was read and watch movies. 
-Fancy dinner. I hate fancy dinners.
-Fancy photo time. The photographer will only allow 5 people max per photo. This Asian family has 15 people. He's switching everyone out one by one. Fucking Asians.
-Really bro? Making me pose with an awkward chicken wing arm thing going on? This isn't the time for the awk hand.
-Pictures are done. Switching to Vans because my flats are too big.
-After dinner wine in a lounge. The singer is really really good.
-We decide to go to the outdoor theater again to watch a movie. But first, jeans.
-AMY WINEHOUSE IS ALIVE! WE MUST TAKE A PICTURE OF HER
-Me and my cousins were racing the adults for the fastest way here (the theater). We would've won but I decided to take out a set of tables and chairs in the process. I looked awesome doing it though. I did some kind of ninja roll and popped right back up and kept running. Pretty sure I tore something and my ankle is fucked up though. I felt something pop and stretch. Again. DAMN YOU VANS AND YOUR LACK OF TRACTION.
-Pre-movie buffet. This kid rolled his eyes at my cousin because she was apparently in his way of some weird looking ham. She just stared at him and said "WHAT'RE YOU, LIKE 4?!?" and walked away. She's 24.
-I feel like I just have the worst luck with ankles. It hurts so much but it's a pain I can tolerate now. I need some booze.
-Double Jack and Ginger to ease the pain/keep me company while we watch The Amazing Spiderman? Why not.
-90% sure that I sprained something. I'm going to keep this thought to myself. Hopefully no one will notice my limp. I'll just say it's how I swag.
-I'm not allowed to read in my room so I've chosen to hang out next to a window by a bar on the bottom floor to do my reading. With a coffee, thank you very much. Had to put my foot up though. Hurts like hell.
-The boat is making those noises again. If I get to day 4, then the world didn't end. Unless it ended on the mainland. Then I'm fucked. And no one will be reading this. 
-I have decided that traveling by boat is not one of my favorite modes of transportation. The swells outside are huge and freaking me out. I've seen too many disaster movies.
-Everytime one of the cruise people comes to ask me if I need anything, I take my foot off of the chair because I don't want them to see that I'm only wearing 1 shoe.
-The swells are freaking me out and I'm starting to fall asleep. Time for bed I guess.
-The swelling of my ankle has gone down for now. I'll probably elevate overnight for the next few days anyway.
-I was the only person downstairs other than staff. Creepy.

Day 4
-Slept good and long. I always do when I'm injured. They all went to breakfast and the gym and I was dead asleep. 
-Aunt Linda doesn't want to wake me up so shes walking around with a flashlight and she's afraid to use the blow-dryer. I'm being an asshole and pretending to sleep. 
-I can't wait to get to the mainland and see what's going on with the rest of the world.
-Soccer on ESPN in the room! I don't know or care who's playing. It's something other than watching the front end of the boat on the live feed.
-Everyone went to lunch without me. It's cool. I felt like dressing swaggy today.
-Probably the most I've eaten in one seating for this whole trip. 
-I just realized how much black I am wearing today. Black shoes black pants black jacket blue shirt black bra
-Just figured out that I can do panorama shots with my phone. Nexus for the win!
-I've been sitting on the sun deck reading because it's the first nice day out since we've been on the water. 
-The movie on the big screen is Mama Mia. I really hate this movie but it's so loud that I can't concentrate on my book. And I don't want to leave this spot because it's a good hiding spot. Oh well 
-Dinner composed of pasta, a picture of Bernadette's feet, a story about why Manuel hates the Japanese, and Bernadette's deformed hand.
-Dad and I realized that at every single meal, when Aunt Linda gets her food she passes it around the table and tries to get everyone to try it. Goddamn if I wanted that I would've gotten it. Just eat your food so we can leave.
-Bernadette almost got into a fight with some lady because she was standing too close to her during their dance lesson

Day 5
-Last night I came in a little after 12. I wanted to wake up earlyish to go watch Elf because it's playing on the outside TV  When I entered the room, there was way too much snoring and farting going on so I listened to my iPod and buried my face in blankets for awhile.
-It's 10:34. WHERE IS ELF
-YESSSSS IT'S SANTAAAA
-"Thanks Mr. Narwhal"
-"I just like to smile smiling's my favorite"
-"SANTAAAAAAAAA! I KNOW HIM!"
-"You disgust me how can you live with yourself"
-"You sit on a throne of lies" 
-"You stink. You smell like beef and cheese you don't smell like Santa"
-I pretty much just read outside all day after that.
-After dinner ventriloquist. He was funny.
-Expendables 2? Expendables 2.
-Oh baby Hemsworth. You are not your brother but you are still very attractive.
-all of this time changing stuff is throwing me off. At home it's 20 to 1am but here it's 20 to 11. Well now I can't possibly go to bed.
-I know I didn't talk much today but in all honesty all I did was read for a good 90% of the day.
-I've trapped myself in the bathroom to type the next few thoughts out because Aunt Linda complains that I do bright things or something. I don't know. 
-I'm really excited to get on land and communicate with people not aboard this ship. As much as I don't like being at home, I'm homesick. But mostly because I might miss my friends. A little. Maybe. Shut up.
-All of this "family time" is way too much for my enjoyment. Like today. I was sitting in a very secluded spot on a balcony looking thing that overlooked the ocean and some "adult pool" thinking "there's no chance in hell that they'll find me up here." Then they found me. Then they left, then came back and asked me to join them. I did, but I just wanted to be in my spot and read my book. And possibly drink a bucket of Mexican beer (I didn't).
-I drank a Coors Light out of the can today even though I was handed a glass. I'm tired of drinking classy. I need some BP stat. 
-This isn't a vacation this is my nightmare. I'm trapped on a boat with people I hardly know. I get an unlimited supply of food and alcohol yet I can't seem to get drunk. No one wants to go to the club with me. I see all the people my age bonding and having a great time and here I am sitting in a tiny ass bathroom complaining about how I can't even read a damn book in my damn bed. No, I'm not going to fucking read by flashlight. I'm blind enough as it is. Fuck I'm going nuts. 
-now I'm as annoyed with myself as Kathleen gets when I bitch like this. I get it Scraps, I get it. You can hit me when I get back. Twice. Once for talking to myself and once for me being a pain in the ass.
-I'm going to go read this fucking book with a fucking flashlight because I want to do so comfortably and not in the cafe.

Day 6
-Hahahahahaha. So the song on one of the many alarms on my phone is a small piece of the song "Kill Everybody" by Skrillex. There are no words involved with the slice that I use as my alarm. Aunt Linda fell out of bed, white with fear, at the sound of the dubstep music. It's a good thing that it was pitch black in here because I was able to control my laughter until I got in the shower but the smirk on my face was instant.
-Contemplating turning off airplane mode now in hopes that I'll get a signal.
-I don't. Dammit. Wifi why do you have to cost an arm and a leg?!?!?
-DAYWALKER
-Finally off the boat in Hilo. Hawaiian Elvis is our tourguide. This is ridiculous. I feel like I'm in Mexico.
-This place is like Jurassic Park. I just want to explore the forest with a machete.
-My phone was on the verge of death pretty much all day. We took this ghetto ass tour with Melvis (Hawaiian Elvis' name was Mel) but it was enjoyable. We saw alot of nature and some lava rocks and lava trees and a macadamia nut farm and Rainbow Falls as well as the projects of Hilo, Hawaii. With the exception of me and my cousins, everyone I was with looked like a tourist.
-I bought two shot glasses, a magnet, some ice cream, and some delicious nuts. The ice cream also had nuts. In my mouth. God I miss sex jokes. Let's be real doe. No one likes nuts in their mouth.
-Went down to the piano bar because Aunt Linda wanted to get a pre-dinner drink. She's odd but she's growing on me.
-SWAG UP!
-"It's Christmas Eve and no one else is here so we're having a drink"-Aunt Linda before dinner
-After dinner no one could make a decision as to what they wanted to do so my parents and I went to see an Elton John impersonator. He was pretty good. Old ladies danced. Some woman got mad at my Dad for wearing his Santa hat. We don't know what that was about. 
-I really want to go home. Whoever reads this knows that I'm not generally a quiet person but I've been so quiet here. I have to watch what I say and it's not the censoring myself part that's irritating, it's the not having anything to say part. I'm not a big family person. Never have been. So I slink off and listen to music and read because there's nothing else that really interests me here on the boat but then they hunt me down and try to find me. Most of their conversations are bland and uninteresting. Most of it is a facade that was amusing to watch at first but now it's just frustrating. 
-I don't type most of what I think during the day because A) I'm mostly just reading and B) it sounds like I'm just whining. But the days seem to get longer and longer and I really hate traveling by boat because the movement freaks me the fuck out and keeps me up at night. I think my mind is starting to fracture.
-Oh, and my ankle is still fucking sprained. I thought it was fine but I twisted it again on one of the hikes today. Luckily I tend to fuck them up far too often and do not feel the need to require medical attention because I can do it myself.

Day 7
-We're on Maui today. We had a pretty good tourguide who took just our family on a bus. We saw a couple of film locations from LOST so that was pretty cool. It's been a chill day. 
-Currently we're at a Fish and Pasta place. I'm about to try a Maui brewed IPA called Big Swell with my fish and chips for lunch
-So far all I've purchased from Hawaii are 4 shot glasses, a magnet and macadamia nuts
-Here's my little pre-dinner schpeel. I've finally gotten a good buzz going thanks to two specialty 007 Martinis: "Quantum of Solace" and "Skyfall". I've discovered that the piano bar has a list of several different 007 martinis and I have made it my goal by the end of this cruise to try all of them. They are all 90-100% alcohol. And they are tasty and strong as shit.
-FAMILY OF DAYWALKERS OH GOD THE HORROR
-I'm drinking a Vesper martini. And it's strong as shit. And I don't like it at all. But I'm going to finish it because I don't believe in wasting alcohol

Well, that's it for the first half. I know, I know, it was boring and annoying. But the second half is better. I promise. 

If the World is Truly Doomed, At Least I Will Die With Whiskey in Hand

As I'm sure most of you know, the Mayans of yesteryear have predicted the end of the world on December 21, 2012.That's just three days from the time I have written this post. Some say that the recent world catastrophes are proof that this ancient race of peoples have told the truth this time. Whenever the end of the world has been predicted in the past, I have found that at first, I tend to take this "prediction" as a sign that people are willing to believe anything, but in the few days before the supposed world's end, I get nervous. I know that there's a big chance that the Mayans were as wrong as that guy who predicted the end of the world a few years ago, but I still get nervous. I tend to think things like "have I really done everything that I have wanted to do?" and "Did I ever apologize to that kid for laughing at him when he ran through a glass door in the 6th grade?" and "I never did manage to properly stalk Ryan Reynolds". The last time one of these events occurred  I had been so out of the loop that I didn't know what was going on until I saw a Facebook status that said something along the lines of "OH MY GOD EVERYONE JUST GOT SUCKED UP INTO THE SKY AND I DIDN'T" so naturally, I Googled "the end of the world" and read several articles on the "prediction". This was five minutes past the prediction time. 

If the world ends next week, I will be far away from the mainland in the middle of the Pacific Ocean with a whiskey in hand. if the world ends, I won't have to deal with holiday stress or petty work issues or the annoyances in life. With any luck, this two week Hawaiian cruise will turn into an epic life story. This cruise ship could be something similar to Noah's Ark minus the animals. Which is kind of ok, because I have a small fear of animals (they crap everywhere and their version of a bath is to lick themselves after licking their asses. Do you really want an animal?). Instead of Noah's Ark it could be "Ktez's Vessel of Lost Souls" or something equally as morbid. If we get to Hawaii and find that all mainland areas have been evacuated via rapture, then I will kill and maim until I am the official owner of the island. I've always wanted an island so why not take this opportunity to conquer an island? I will host some kind of Lord of the Flies meets The Hunger Games type of epic battle for my minions. I will build a house high atop the trees and from there continue building a fortress of tree houses. They will have rope bridges attached from house to house and tree to tree for easy access. Isla Ktez will greatly resemble the planet Endor from Star Wars. Hopefully including the Ewoks because they are like tiny little teddy bears and I just want to play with them. The second level of every other tree house will hold a bar, each with a different theme. If I gain control of an island at the worlds end, I will make someone be Batman. He will be my source of justice and Police force. And have the abs of a Greek god. And also be my not so secret lover. And play the drums. He will pretty much be the envy of every male on Isla Ktez. For me, the end of the world might actually prove to be a good time. 

As cool as Isla Ktez will be, if the world doesn't end, then I will still have a whiskey in hand. Because that's what vacation is all about. Especially when you're on a boat. I for one do not think that the world will end on December 21 mostly because we will not get out of buying Christmas presents that easily. We are not that lucky.

With that being said, I would like to say that I just wanted to post one more blog before I leave you for two weeks, but I am not that thoughtful. I am really just procrastinating on finishing up my packing. I hate packing. 

You can look forward to a post of epic proportions when I get back though. I'm sure I will have some interesting drunk nights aboard this giant cruise ship with my nutty family.  

In the words of one of my favorite television characters, Seth Cohen, "Merry Chrismakkah everyone!" 

A Day In the Life: Drunxican Christmas Edition

So. My good friend Marleen asked me to do one of the "day in the life" segments as a Christmas present because she finds them entertaining. I told her that I would document my Saturday because I was planning on going out to a bar in LA for a friends birthday and nights when I actually do something are usually pretty entertaining. I am currently not in the happiest mood nor am I 100% sober to be writing anything so I'm just going to copy and paste my day now. Yes, part of my functioning brain realizes that that sentence made no sense. No, I do not give a fuck. 


3:23: remember that I told Mar that I'd do this for her Christmas present

Recap of my super eventful day so far: 
11ish-12:40ish: wake up. Check social media sites. Mom made chorizo so I warm it up and eat it. Catch up on New Girl and The Mindy Project.
12:40ish: start watching Dr. Who. 
1:15ish: eeeeh one more episode won't hurt.
1:55: damn it was a two parter. Have to get ready for the day. But must find out what happens...
2:30ish: shower 
2:45: call Matt
2:50: ask mom to go to Costco to buy movie tickets
2:55: Mom: just take my Costco card. The picture looks like you. Me: this card says you've been a shopper since 1985. I wasn't even born yet. I don't look like I'm that old. Mom: sure you do. ---always with the ego boost.
3:00: call Dad. Says he'll give me tickets but he's in Carson.
3:15: leave house.
3:30: get off on wrong exit.
3:35: arrive at destination.
3:45: head to Matt's. Dad's friend asked me 4 times if I wanted a beer. 4 times I replied: no thanks I'm in a hurry.
3:47: while on the freeway, decide that either I put my contacts in the wrong eyes again or I'm really going blind. 
3:53: getting off freeway because there's too much traffic. Switch CD's while on the offramp. That's safe.
3:58: see Asian in a Christmas sweater wearing a bicycle helmet at the bus stop. No bike in sight.
4:00: Mexicans in an F150 get into a car accident with an old couple in a Ford Taurus. Surprisingly only the F150 is damaged. Probably because when we come up against the white race, we always lose. Mexicans like myself have an enormous amount of bad luck.
4:04: see a pudgy shoeless white kid walking around with a fishing pole. 
4:05: arrive at Matt's. Hang up swaggy shirt for later tonight.
4:25 park at the Town Center
4:37: Buy ticketes for 6:00 Hobbit. Decide to eat at Islands. 
4:41: our server is incredibly happy. "By the end of this meal, we will crush that happiness out of her soul."---Matt.
4:43: "look at this guy he looks like Kevin Bacon"---Matt
4:46: try and fail to make sense of Dani California. 
4:50: our food is served. Tonight I am eating a medium-well Bleunami Burger and Matthias is eating a spicy Kilawea burger
5:10: Matt just gave me a whole Dr. Who tutorial haha. 
5:25 done. Paid. Discussing Justice League Movie
5:29: sitting in theater. Some lady is laughing like a cackling hyena
5:30: conversation turns to Ant Man. 
5:33: the only good Christmas songs are done by The Chipmunks.
5:38: the entire theater gets to hear us sing "Mad World"
5:40: This is the best Justice League movie discussion I've had so far. Mostly because Matt agrees with me. 
5:46: Matt goes to the bathroom. We plan on getting a bunch of free water from the concession stand. 
5:49: PLL PLL PLL PLL NEW THINGS FROM THE NEW SEASON
5:51: remember the time I met Lucy Hale at the Nashville airport. She was super cool after I told her that I went to high school with one of her friends. I am known by so many b-list celebs
5:56: pretty sure the geeky Asian kid next to me just jizzed himself due to the Bioshock: Infinite trailer
6:00 HOBBITESES!
6:10: another tom cruise classic.
6:15: GODDAMMIT BRINEY! YOU RUIN EVERYTHING! oh wait, stephanie meyer. Already ruined.
9:00: so the movie's over...anf the two Asian's sitting next to us were all kinds of ridics. 
9:19: trying to convince Matt to come to LA with me tonight
9:30: SUCCESS
9:47: onward!
10:30: find parking. Both take a few shots of jack and jim
10:38: walk to bar
10:39: ppl are talking to us on the street telling us that that they're DD is drunk
10:42: we're waiting in line to get into this bar. 
10:44: went to the front and said we were here for Briana. Walk right in VIP status. 
10:46: it's a club. "WHAT DID YOU GET ME INTO?"
10:50: Kathleen calls. Noooo idea what she said
11:16: me and matt decide to leave to drink more of our free alchohol
11:something: we take many shots
11:25: "our bodys going dumb dumb dumb dumb dumbdumb katie's lips are going numb numb numb numbnumb"--Matt
11:28: "I should be Ke$ha."---matt
11:30 matt squats under some tree branches as he walks under them
11:37: brianas friend buys us shots. #yolochristmas
11:53: waiting in line for the bathroom. All of the girls now have to go to the guys. It's a big thing. The womens is apparently worse than the guys
12:00 matt hides flask. We are both nice and drunkkkk
12:04: it reeks of weed
12:17: apparently Matt's lady is cooler than his best friend because he won't dance with me. On anonter note: i know I'm drunk when I want to dance
12:31: bought a corona. Dgaf. #yolochristmas
12:41 if more drunk wouldve hooked up with flannel shirt guy. Clearly not drunk enough
12:50:texted matts lady on his pjone telling her thag hes being lame
12:55: met a bunch of people who know Kathleen. I didn't catch any of their names.
12:57: gave matt my keys. Cleary im the weaker link tonight. 
1:00 bathroom. The girls bathroom is cool this time.
1:25: matts dricing. Kathlseens mad ar me. I might die.
1:31; wr're lozt in LA. 
1:34: found frseway. I hope we make it on one pice.
1:35; feel really  bad becauss kathleens really mad at me
1:40 "i hope you know i swear to god i hope you know i swear to god i swear to god i wont stop until youre shaaaaaaakin"
1:49: "ive got plenty of time to waste on yoooou"
1:52: "i need you outta my head! Outta my heeeeead!"
2:00 oh this is  not where we wanted to be. But the dance party kn the truck is happeneing
2:01; A COP A COP OH GOD A COP
2:03: CRISIS AVERTED
2:07 Dennys!!!
2:10: oh god i dont have a voice.
3:12: home. Argument with someone over the phone. Dishes. Blog. Bed.

I'm too drunk to read and edit everything. If i wasn't slurring somewhere in there, don't be surprised. I have an obnoxiously good spelling ability when intoxicated. There's only one person who can really tell when I'm drunk.You're not crazy. I really am that sneaky. No I'm going to watch something on Netflix to make my mood better. Here's to hoping it works. 


MERRY CHRISTMAS MARZIPAN!!!!! 

A Day in the Life Parte Tres

So, I'm sober. I had like 4 beers and 3 shots. So nothing. I wish I was drunk. BUT. BUT. Marleen wants me to do this again on Saturday as her Christmas present because I will be going out for a friend's birthday so there's a really good chance that I'll actually get drunk this time. I'm sorry that I have failed you. There's a surprise guest in tonight's episode so you have that to look forward to. 

ONWARD!


12:24 AM: I hate doing the dishes.
12:38: Who the hell threw a chunk of butter in the sink? Now my hands are all greasy. Dammit.
12:50: Pet peeve: when I take off my jeans and one sock comes off with it.
1:24: Finish blogging day 2. Now I have to get down to the nitty gritty.
4:41: My hand is ridiculously cramped. 3 hour power nap then I'll get back at it.  
7:45: Alarm goes off. Fuck it I'm tired.
8:45: awaken
9:30: really get up this time
9:30-9:45: showertime
9:50-10:09: make and eat ghetto ass egg mcmuffin. Aka microwave a scrambled egg and put it on an english muffin. Pinky up.
10:09-10:15: fuck with phone
10:16-10:23: do hair, brush teeth all that jazz
10:23: decide to wear glasses today because I'm too lazy to put my contacts on
10:24: you know that your jeans are too big for you when you can slip them on buttoned and zipped.
10:25: me: dammit.
Dad: no cussing. If I can't cuss then you can't cuss. Dammit.
10:25-10:35: secret secrets with dad
10:38: TO THE CATCAVE!
10:46: radio: "Shine bright like a diamond..." me: NO...SHINE BRIGHT LIKE A DIAMOND
10:56: running late anyway. Decide to buy my lunch now so I won't have to later. Vons it is.
11:10: get to the Bruins' 
11:37: leave for meeting with Cindy. Sarah's taking me so I don't have to park. 
11:38: I'm not wearing my glasses as she drives. It's like a rollarcoaster. A blurry, blurry rollarcoaster.
11:43: discuss my drinking habits. I've started not thinking about it when I go places. I just walk in and I'm like "Oop pint of Guinness." "Oop Jack and Coke for lunch."
12:07: debating the differences in Mexican fast food with Sarah. KING TACOOOOOO
12:10: instagram some dumbass driver
12:22: finally eat the half eaten ice cream sandwich that Mar and Hoover left for me in the freezer last week. 
12:23: Sarah's showing me a video that she post on my wall. It's about instagram. 
12:27: Sarah tells me that the sauce in my frozen lunch smells like vomit. I don't disagree, but I'm going to eat it anyway.
12:31: Sarah is still shocked that I like T-Swift. But it's pretty much mostly when I'm drunk.
12:42: "feeling like a high schooler/ sipping on a wine cooler"---sorry Ke$ha but I was not drinking wine coolers in high school. I was drinking tequila. I feel like someone is going to send me a flier to AA after this. 
12:51: just realized that all of the notes I'm writing down are straight from the book. On thhe exam we can use either notes or the book, but not both. WHY THE FUCK HAVE I SPENT THE LAST TWO DAYS WRITING ALL OF THIS SHIT DOWN?!?!? I'm done. I'm just stopping and going to use the book on the exam. Mother. Fucker.
1:02: discussing Robert Pattinson's ability to cover up an accent
1:45: give Kate and Sarah a comic book movie schpeel
1:02-2:48: play Flow Free until I realize what time it is. Shit, I have to go to school.
2:57: WE FELL IN LOVE IN A HOMELESS PLACE! WE FELL IN LOVE IN A HOMELESS PLAAAAAACE
3:03: I'm pretty sure this guy is going to key my truck for snaking this parking spot. 
3:04: he's heading in a different direction. Crisis averted.
3:06: so I've been taking off my glasses when I'm outside because the lenses change in the light and I hate that. From a distance I thought I saw wheelchair Wendy. It was a black dude.
3:08: I hope that I don' run in to anyone that I know because their face will just be a blur and I will have no idea who they are.
4:19: last final is done. Just 3 take home essays and I'm done. Buuuuuut I'll do them tomorrow. Tonight, I drink!
4:23: sellin my last book baaaaack
4:25: jabba the hut in front of can't stand still. It's making me nervous. 
4:27: aaand theyre not taking this book back. Fml.
4:39: back at the catcave. 
4:44: time to play Flow Free for awhile while Sarah does homework before we go Christmas shopping. I really just need to finish getting Kathleen's present, get Sarah, Kate, Petra, and Matt something. I'm cheap this year.
5:32: Sarah is judging me about my rap music. And she's ranting about her crazy neighbor.
5:45: this is Sarah speaking, kt is driving and i'd rather not die so i'm taking over for now. Kt bought me a giftcard, then proceeded to throw it at me while saying "Merry Christmas"
6:00: we're now getting gas as kt is shoveling down pasta salad like it's her last meal on earth and Mar just scared the shit out of me and chucked bbq sauce at me
6:20: kt is now yelling at a stupid driver by shouting "YOU WERE TURNING RIGHT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!?!?!"
6:21: "WHY IS YOUR BLINKER ON?!? WHY ARE YOU ST0PPING?!?"
6:22: call me maybe comes on the radio: "this is my jam!"
6:26: "ooo new tswift music video, i need to check that out!"
6:27: little known fact the only music kt cares about is rap, carly rae whatever, and lots of tswift
6:36: we have finally made to our original destination, the mall and kt is immediately distracted by batman stuff while also imparting mall wisdom to me
6:45: and i just got creeped out by giant pictures of doey eyed children. sarah out.
7:48: just ran into Kathleen's parents and sister in the mall. Then Sarah ran into a plant and attacked it
8:12: Matt, Sarah and Petra are done for Christmas. Sarah has a brain freeze. TO THE CATCAVE
8:16: sarah again, i figured the world needs to know the truth of what it's like to drive with kt
8:17: and once again kt has found ke$ha on the radio, while also locking me into her car and telling me that there is no escape...should i be worried?
8:25: and now kt has mellowed herself out by listening to depressing music. The moral of this story is that  if you need an excuse to avoid writing a paper due tomorrow hanging with kt is a good way to go. See you next time, this is goodbye from Sarah
8:36: time to wrap presents. This is the only part that I like about buying people things.
9:08: Sarah: if it gets wet the writing is going to come right off.
Me: why are you watering your presents?
Sarah: what if I get excited?!?
Me: WHY ARE YOUR PRESENTS IN YOUR PANTS?!?
Sarah: ISN'T THAT WHERE ALL PRESENTS GO?!?
9:45: Hoover shows up. For some reason I've managed to wrap Matt's gift the better than Petra's. Which is weird because Petra's is in a box and Matt's is a mushy shapeless object.
10:07: Me and Hoover go to my truck to drop off my shit and so I can change my hoodie. Tonight I'm wearing a green shirt, my green Vans, a red hoodie and my leather jacket. I'm festive as hell for this Christmas present. 
10:15: Me and Hoover convince Marleen to come to the party with us. Pick her up from Vons which is cool because we needed to get beer anyway. 
10:30: We're at Mar's waiting for her to change and Hoover and I are discussing Twilight 
10:43: Siri is taking us somewhere that's not where we're going. Siri is a dumb ho.
10:47: turns out Hoover had us going to Santa Ana. I'm sorry, Siri. Not really. I still hate Apple products. Fuck Siri.
11:25: Lammy is a classy fucker. Pinky up.
11:34: playing kings cup. Category: sex positions. Lammy: the nice  crawfish?
11:45: shots of some kind of irish cream liquor happen.
11:51: "BITCH IS IN A ONESIE?"---Lammy
11:55: More shots of Irish Cream Liquor
12:00: Lam: *opens up cupboard* "Oop there's Ragu. Nope. Can't do it."  
Me: "Lam...that's Pace salsa" 
12:15: "can I just put the spaghetti in my pocket?"
12:38: "oh that's a puddle. Now my foot is wet."
12:39: calling it an early night. There were no beer pong balls.
12:46: Matt finally calls me back. It's too late. 
12:50: decide to go to Tommy's for food with Marleen. Never been here before. 
12:55: Make plans with Matt for the weekend.
12:58: Marleen admits to Facebook stalking customers who she thinks is hot. Slightly creeped out about this friendship.
1:03: Marleen is Facebook stalking this dude right now.
1:05: creepy black dude comes up to us as we're waiting for our food. "Hey I'm sorry I'm sorry but I'm stranded here and I asked the police to give me a ride but they said no. Is there any chance you can give me a lift?" 
Me: "no, sorry. We walked." 
Black guy: "what about some cash for a cab?"
 Mar: "sorry I don't have any cash"
 BG: "really?"
 Me: "yeah, sorry."
 BG: "What about change for the bus?" 
Me: "nope" 
1:08: get in truck and drive away when we know black guy is across the street
1:15: eat food in truck outside of Mar's apartment. It's no Pink's chili but I can dig it.
1:20: discuss work related issues
1:25: tell Mar some drinking stories from when I was a minor
1:40: head home
2:01: realize that I left my cup in the truck
2:05: dishes
2:10: read obnoxious letter from a teacher at my high school. 
2:16: take photo of obnoxious letter and Instagram it. 
2:17: Unfold letter even further and find that he has included a really blurry picture of our graduating class.
2:18: Find myself in said photo.
2:20: Instagram said photo. 

I'm too tired to make it all look pretty. But that was pretty much my day today. I haven't really slept more than a couple of hours in the last week and a half sooooo goodnight websorz.

A Day in the Life: Part Deux

This is going to be a short intro because I still have a lot of work to do for my final tomorrow afternoon. SPOILER ALERT: Tomorrow night there's a 99% chance that I'll be drunk when I sit down to post on here so you have that to look forward to.

Today was slightly more eventful. Except for my nap. But you get to see the inside of my brain when it's 75% functional. Lucky you.


6:26 AM: Phone rings. Answer and it's Lucifer AKA Macaulay Culkin AKA my boss telling me that I'm late for work. My first thought and words of the day are the same: "Fuck I slept through my alarm. I'm on my way"
6:27-6:40: Get in shower, blow dry hair, brush teeth
6:42 Trip over duffle bag while trying to put on shoe. Shit.
6:43: Type all this out. I'm only working 3 hours today. Fuck it.
6:47: Gather things and go
6:49: Lock self out of house and truck. Fuck today.
6:52: This girl does a shout out on the radio to Justin Bieber. I....sigh. Stupid America.
6:53: Think about speeding around a cop. Decide a ticket is not worth it.
6:54: FUCKING COP GO AWAY
6:55: Run red turning light.
6:57: Decide that I like the new sound of Tegan and Sara. Much better than their "Blacklight" album a few years ago.
6:58: Intense road rage ensues. MOTHER FUCKER WHY YOU GOING 15 IN A 30! I KNEW I SHOULD'VE TAKEN THE FUCKING FREEWAY
7:01: "AND WE'LL FLOAT ON ALRIGHT/ ALREADY WE'LL ALL FLOAT ON ALRIGHT/ DON'T WORRY EVEN IF THINGS END UP A BIT TOO HEAVY..."
7:03: Arrive in hell.
7:05: FUCKER IS THE LIGHT ON? NO I'M NOT FUCKING OPEN! GO TO 7!
7:17: There's a cop car outside of Devon's apartment
7:20: Really thankful that Claude closed last night so I don't have to take out the trash
8:46: I want to die.
8:52: Breakfasttimebreakfasttimebreakfasttime. Bagelbagelbagelbagelandschmere.
10:05: Done with work. Gave Jeff a ride to the fuel station. He sat in the bed. We are true Mexicans.
10:08: Realized that I forgot to buy something cold to keep me awake while I study. Fuck.
10:09: Contemplate drinking the whiskey that's in the backseat. Decide that I'll probably end up falling asleep in my library cubicle and sleep through my final. And it's a little too early.
10:15: Hear a commercial on the radio that Vans is having a sale this week. WHYTHEFUCKDIDIBUYSHOESLASTWEEK
10:16: Arrive at shady ass liquor store.
10:19: Debating between a giant Brisk Rasberry Iced Tea and a warm Gatorade.
10:21: Ooooh they have cold Gatorade! I hate making decisions.
10:25: Went with giant ass Rockstar
10:29: Radio options are "Thrift Shop", fun. and Mumford and Sons. I choose some rap song. Naturally.
10:36: It's starting to rain and I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that I'm probably not going to be able to study for this exam. And I didn't bring a hoodie today. Fuck.
10:43: Switched parking lots and found a spot right next to the building I need to go to. Score!
11:40: I'm pretty sure I'll be ok with BSing this exam. Thank you for existing, sparknotes
11:41: Just realized that I forgot to buy a blue book. Ermahgerd.
11:49: BLACK GUY IN A GOTHIC DRESS BLACK GUY IN A GOTHIC DRESS
11:57: I sincerely hope that this is the last day I will ever have to hear fisherman vest speak.
12:00: Time to bullshit!
1:21: Exam finished. Beer for lunch? I think yes.
1:27: Goddamn, Adam Levine.
2:30: Had a schooner of Guinness and a sandwich while studying for tomorrows final. Old men looked at me funny for bringing a book and a notebook to a bar. Currently heading home for a nap.
2:39: Almost home. Really sleepy. Pretty buzzed. Really need to release my bladder.
2:43: I don't know if it's because I'm slightly intoxicated, but the cars coming towards me as I was trying to turn into my neighborhood just now were going really really fast.
2:44: Trying to keep a sober face and speech whilst talking to mom. Ended up just saying "I'm going to nap now."
2:45: Releasing bladder.
2:47: Washing hands
2:48: Where did I put you, Angry Birds jimjams?
2:49: Hello there, Angry Birds jimjams! You're so comfy!
2:49: Fell down trying to put on Angry Birds jimjams. I should've just taken off my jeans and slept like that.
2:51: Hugging my Hug-A-World because it's naptime. Apparently I'm going to New Mexico and Tanzania.
4:45: Phone rings. It's my tiny fake ginger midget alarm clock. She's feeling under the weather and dreaming about giant mosquitos. I told her to get a space heater because it's from space. She shot me down. As always.
4:57: I don't want to get out of bed. But I have to meet Hoover in a half hour. But bed is comfy. But free movie...buuuuut comfy pants...but free...to my jeans!
5:15: Leaving to meet Hoover. I should probably text back all of the people who texted me while I was sleeping. I'm only popular when I'm asleep. Other than that, I have no friends.
5:20: Is there a reason that Jack FM is playing a whole lot of Queen today?
5:22: Oooooh The Police. I can dig it.
5:26: Mall traffic 5 miles from the mall is stupid. Traffic itself is stupid. The car in front of me is stupid for not going on the yellow. #christmasproblems
5:37: IWANTTOPARTYWITHKE$HASOBAD
5:39: Arrive at Town Center. It's weird being here and not going to Starbucks. What movie am I seeing? I don't know but it's free. Time to hide my phone
6:46: We've been sitting in the theater for a long time. There are so many famous people in here. We've seen Rosanne, Forrest Whitaker, Honey Boo Boo (in 20 years), the little Asian kid from Indiana Jones, Will.I.Am, Mr. Clean, the Hobbitses, Queen Latifah, a Daywalker, Nicholas Cage, Kathy Griffin, Sean Kingston, Cleopatra/Nefertiti and so many more. I just want Ke$ha to walk in.
6:55: "The lesbians next to me asked if there were really famous people here. I told them we were just being assholes and pointed everyone out." ---Hoover
7:00-8:something: "Whoa there, creepy voodoo lady"
"This bitch"
"MINI PAYTON SAWYER!"
"RATCHETS!"
"Who masturbates like that? She's just touching her face with her awk hand"
"I'm waiting for Leo DiCaprio to walk out. 'This is actually all a dream, Nell' DUNDUN"
"Rapecity bitch Raperapecity bitch"
"THE GORILLA THREW THE TIRE!"
"IT'S NOT CHRIS"
"NO MINI PAYTON"
"Crazy ass voodoo lady"
"We're watching Men In Black?"
"I want a chicken"
"There better be a part 3 with that ending"
"Was Gwen a lesbian? That's what I really want to know."
8:45: Movie is over. Possibly one of the funniest movies I've seen all year. I strongly suggest that everyone see The Last Exorcism II when it comes out
9:02: Study at Starbucks time. Grab backpack out of truck.
9:10: Order a Starbucks Doubleshot on ice and a panini. This douche says "Oh, I cleaned and turned off the panini oven already soooo I can't warm it up." Fucker it's 3 hours before closing. I'm hungry. I feel a YELP review coming on. I'll start playing closing time before you do tonight.
9:15: Kate gives me her Del Taco burrito. Thanks, honeybunch.
9:19: Devoured the burrito. It's not the same as a ham and cheese panini. I hate this guy.
10:06: This guy who dated a high school friend of mine walked into Sbux. I will never forgive him for purposely putting eggshells in the egg salad that Kathleen made for me senior year. She hasn't made me egg salad since. Stupid Cory Parrish.
11:23: The Bruins' left me about 45 minutes ago because Sarah was on the verge of dying. It's pouring outside. I'm too exhausted to be excited. I'll most likely be up late studying for my last final.
11:24: THE DOG DAYS ARE OOoooOOVER HEADEDAHEEDADA SAAAAAAaaaayyy AHEEHAAEEEHA I will never like that song.
11:26: WE'RE GOING TO DANCE HALL DANCE HALL EVERYDAY WE'RE GOING TO DANCE HALL DANCE HALL EVERYDAY
11:27: I think my brain has broken.
11:41: Have a good night, Tartis girl.
12:02: He didn't play closing time. I'm shocked. On another note, it stopped pouring before I walked to my truck and was just a light sprinkle. As soon as I got in the truck it started pouring again. Thanks, weather.
12:23: Home and exhausted. But after blogging this I'll probably keep working for a couple of hours. Day 3 staaaaaaaarts.....wait for it...





























Now.

No one has seen a horror movie until they've seen it with me.

A Day in the Life (Part 1)

OK. Don't hate me. This isn't the music review. I know, I suck. I ended up going out the night after my last post so I haven't gotten a chance to clean it up. What you're reading now is something completely new. Last night, my friends and I were at Starbucks studying for our finals. During a procrastination break, Kate decided that she wanted to follow me around for a day. She wanted to know what I do when I'm not with her, her sister Sarah, at work, drinking, or on the internet. Essentially she wanted to know what my weekdays were like. I'm going to be honest with you---I'm not that exciting. The status' I post on Bookface are merely the highlights of my day. Ideas were tossed around that she would follow me around pretending to be a foreign exchange student but the more I thought about it the more I realized that having her follow me for a day would just be just us hanging out. So last night, I decided to document my every move. Well, almost my every move. Today was a particularly boring day, I didn't have too much interaction due to a severe lack of sleep and grumpiness so I decided to spread this into a three day segment. And because tomorrow and Thursday are (in theory) filled with super exciting plans, I have decided that I would share those days with you too. So without further ado, here's the first day of my last three days the Fall 2012 semester. 

*disclaimer: The app I'm using has an online counterpart to it so I'm just copy and pasting it verbatim from what I had typed out on my phone all day. There's no way in hell that I'm re-typing all of that shit out.*


12:08 AM: Answer phone because Lam is calling. He asks about my plans to sell my blood on Thursday. 
12:20: Leave Kate and Sarah's apartment. Talk to Aiyana about shoe sizes for a few minutes.
12:26: Call Kathleen and talk on my way home
12:40: Arrive home. Continue talking to Kathleen while doing the dishes. She's mad because I kept a secret from her. 
12:45: Eat a snowman cupcake
12:50: Boot up computer, start editing Kathleen's paper on Google docs, hang up phone.
12:54: Call Kathleen back to tell her to change her sharing preferences on Google docs. Hang up phone.
12:55 Begin editing paper while watching HIMYM
2:20: Finish editing. Call Kathleen. She says she'll call me back. 
2:22: Log onto amazon to buy her Christmas present
2:27: She calls me back. Shes added more to the paper and changed the edits I made. 
3:07: Finish 2nd edit. Call Kathleen. 
3:10: Set 4 alarms
3:15: Lay down and download notepad app
3:25: Bathroom 
3:27: Back to bed
3:39: Finish updating notepad for the night
3:45: Play flow free.
Undetermined time: Sleeps.
7:40: Wake up. Fuck life. Reset alarm for 8.
8:15: Wake up. Check Facebook. Poke Jessica. 
8:17: Showertime
8:37: Exit shower
8:43: Make dinosaur egg oatmeal
8:44: Pour orange juice. My throat's been hurting lately so I put some Emergen-C in it. It tastes like shit with water.
8:45: Didn't put enough water in oatmeal. Put more and reheat for 30 seconds. 
8:46: Eat oatmeal. 
8:46: Burn mouth on oatmeal. Drink OJ.
8:47: Fuck up notepad app. Delete a bunch of shit on accident.
8:47: Answer dumb questions from mom
8:49: Retype everything from 8:17 to now
8:57: Finish oatmeal
8:57: Check instagram. Silently judge everyone. Especially lexxamack. She a ho.
8:58: Discuss issues with mom about upcoming family vacation
9:01: Put on contacts
9:02: Plug in phone. Blow dry hair.
9:09: Finish hair. Brush teeth.
9:12: Clothes have been in dryer for 4 days. Dgaf. Get articles of clothing that I need right now.
9:15: Get dressed
9:25: Get two Rockstars from the fridge. Put in backpack
9:27: Leave house. Say hi to Richard's mom as she walks the dog 
9:28: Get in truck and go.
9:30: Answer Kathleen's text while driving. Suck on that, cop car in front of me.
9:32: Park at Vons
9:34: Find cake for Sam
9:35: Ask bakery clerk to write Happy Birthday Sam on the cake. He better fucking go to class today.
9:37: Get Christmas cookies 
9:38: Text Kate to tell her I'm documenting my life for 3 days because of her desire to follow me around for a day to see what I do when I'm not with her and her sister, at work or on the internet.
9:39: Run into Olga from work while in line. We both work for Vons and we run into each other in a different Vons. Awkward.
9:40: Kate texts back: "yessssss"
9:42: Realize the lady behind me is Andrew Howat's mom aka Ms. Frizzle from the Magic School Bus. Double awkward.
9:47: Head to school
9:57: Enter parking lot
9:58: Make first loop of parking lot. Sing Coldplay on the radio.
10:02: Realize I didn't get Sam a fork for his cake. Fuck.
10:06: I've got the moves like Jagger
10:09: Park truck
10:10: Put in headphones and turn on iPod  *note to self: clean truck before next Tuesday for Kathleen.* walk to class
10:16: There's another class in our classroom? Confusion 
10:17: Realize we're in a different room today
10:19: Get to class. Take out Rockstar. Give Sam his cake.
12:30: Class is over. We watched Where the Buffalo Roam and ate food. It was funny. Walking to the library to finish writing a paper for my novel analysis class later tonight. 
12:33: Decide that it's a nice day out so I'll write outside for a little while. 
12:34: Table's wet. To the student lounge!
1:07: I've spent the last half hour playing Flow Free. It's too loud in here to concentrate. To the library!
1:08: I just spotted a toddler running about and there's a silver Toyota Camry blasting rap and driving on campus walkways. Only black people.
1:13: I'm sitting in my usual cubicle in the back part of library. Time to bullshit this paper.
2:54: Wrote a lot. Am almost done I think. Bathroom.
2:58: Walk to Global Com. Smells like shit behind buildings M and N because of the feral cats.
3:02: The class/computer lab has new computers and my usual spot has been turned around to face a wall. Sit in a new spot so I can finish writing my paper in class. The screen is giant and hides me from Cindy's view. Sorry, Cindy. At least I read Chapter 13 this time! AND took notes on it!
3:08: All of these people are flipping out over the new computers. Calm the fuck down people, they're just Dells.
4:15: Class ends. Cindy lets me finish my paper in the lab so I can print for free. 
4:45: Finally finished. 1/4 of a page short but idgaf. I have the highest grade in the class anyway. Starts walking to cafeteria for food.
4:56: Order a grilled cheese and curly fries. Didn't realize how hungry I am until now. 
5:00: Ordered mushrooms on my grilled cheese. Cook forgot them. I kind of feel like an ass for making him re-do it buuuut who the fuck eats mushrooms on the side? 
5:11: This sandwich is delicious. The girl next to me has bright lavender hair, dressed like a hipster, and talks like a chola. Interesting.
5:26: Walking to my truck to get my 2nd can of Rockstar. I have a half hour to kill. Wtf do I do with my life?
5:30: Decide to rummage through my truck to find some books to sell back. This girl clearly does not understand the "I'm not leaving" head-shake. Sit in your car for as long as you want. 
5:34: Find 3 books I can sell back today. The girl in the car glared at me as she walked by. It's not my fault you didn't pay attention to my signals. Bitch you wanna fight?!?
5:41: A whole $12.50. Hooty hoo!!
5:43: Decide to walk to class the back way. I've never done this at night before but I'm willing to test fate. I've been keeping a pen in my pocket to use as a weapon in case of an attack since my knife is MIA. I'm not paranoid at all.
5:47: Realize that it's brighter on this side of campus than going through the quad. That's safe.
5:50: Arrive in class. There's 5 of us in here so far. There's like 9 total. Wait maybe 10? I've never seen that girl before. We're such a small class that no one's bonded or even really spoken to each other all semester so it's really awkward in here right now. 
5:53: 7 minutes for Flow Free? I think yes.
5:58: We had to move into a smaller square of desks. When class starts I'm going to doodle the fuck out of what's left of my notebook.
6:00: He's collecting revisions of exam and the first essay. I totally forgot that he had given that as an extra credit assignment. Oh well. I got a B on the exam and an A on the paper.
6:17: The guy next to me is gross. Last week I watched him pick his zits. Soulmate.
6:27: This girl just said "conversate" in a sentence. She must be exterminated.
6:38: Every time the teacher asks a question everyone looks at me and zit-picker because we keep arguing. Sorry if I think Vonnegut is better than your sci-fi Star Wars fan-fiction. C'mon people we can't be the only two who read this book!
7:25: Ended class an hour and a half early because Conversate girl fell asleep. Slinking in the shadows back to my truck.
7:32: It's freezing in my truck and my heater doesn't work. Shit.
7:35: New Blink song on KROQ? I'd be more excited if it wasn't so mellow
7:37: Probably shouldn't do this while driving. I'm the safest safety captain ever.
7:43: Home. My dad can't stop talking about the birds. Apparently they really like the movie "The Bourne Legacy" and Christmas songs in commercials
7:47: Discussing travel plans with the padre. Apparently he told my uncle that I would either throw his sister overboard or go on a killing spree if I was roommates with her on the boat. To be fair, it's a fairly accurate description of my initial thoughts on the subject.
8:13: StudyforaclassIdidn'tdoanythingforallsemester time!
9:04: Sparknoting all of the pieces that were discussed in the review. I have 14 pages so far. Eek. His last test was pretty easy so hopefully this will be too.
9:58: I have spent the last half hour doing posting old assignments to my British Lit. Class's website. I'm hoping he'll give me a couple of points for credit.
10:00: About to start blogging this day so I can go to bed earlyish. I shouldn't have agreed to take a shift and open tomorrow.
10:15: Find Green Lantern action figure. Make him fly around my desk.
10:30: Find Lego Batman figure. MAKE THEM FIGHT TO THE DEATH!
10:45 Batman wins. As expected.
10:55 El Fin.

Ok soooo that was my Tuesday. Kinda lame. I know there are more thoughts towards the end of my day but that's because I finally woke up from my sleepy stupor. I haven't slept much due to finals and as a result my brain doesn't start to function until like...4 in the afternoon. I don't want to promise anything, but tomorrow should be more exciting. I have to be up at 5 soooo I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight, internet.