I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors. I'm not going to proofread this because I'm working on something new and exciting as well as homework. Don't tell me I fucked up. I know that I did. Deal with it.
Next week, I will be flying from LA to Oklahoma and from there driving to Denver then to the Vegas.
I love to travel, but one thing that I hate more than spending any amount of money on anything other than poker or booze is packing. I absolutely loathe packing. So today's top ten list will be on why I hate packing.
10. Laundry
I make it a habit to do my laundry about every two weeks or so. Not because I am conscious of water preservation or because I don't have the time to do it, but because I am lazy. I firmly believe that it is perfectly acceptable to wear your clothes more than once in a week. Jeans were invented to to be worn on more than one occasion. If I haven't done much that day, haven't been drenched in sweat or hugged a super smelly dude, then it is perfectly OK to wear those clothes at least one more time before you wash them. I hate doing laundry. Like, really hate it. I never pay attention the buzzer and I don't like having time constraints. If I start doing laundry, I have to make a day of it because if not I'll just leave it in the washer and forget about it until I run out of socks.
9. "I need all of my possessions at all times"
For some reason, people feel the need to bring all of their possessions with them when they travel. "I'll bring my lava lamp because I never know when I'll end up in the '70s." Yes, it's good to be prepared in case of an emergency. I get that. But you don't need 8 sweaters and 12 pairs of underwear in addition to your other clothes for a 3 day weekend in sunny San Diego. Don't take your dog's chew toy in case you meet another dog on the beach. You don't need your bicycle shorts if you're going to Antarctica. Over-packing is especially irritating when you're flying somewhere. Some airlines charge $25 to check a bag in addition to your ticket and fees and taxes. Assholes, right? Don't bring a thousand things with you. Pack an extra set of clothes just in case. Don't be that idiot.
8. I only own 5 pairs of jeans
Two pairs of black jeans and 3 pairs of blue jeans. If I'm going somewhere for longer than like...6 days I feel the need to bring all of them in case I rip them or spill something on them or the smell like cigarettes (I don't smoke but my friends do and they reek). I always think that if I don't take all of them and something happens then I'll have to buy new ones and I am not into that.
7. Planes are stupid
Did you know that you can take a small pocket knife on an airplane as long as it's not concealed from TSA? But shampoo, hand sanitizer, and toothpaste are highly dangerous weapons.
For the trip I'm taking next, I'm taking a small suitcase so I don't have to check it. But it sucks because I can't take everything I need on the plane. My dad asked me the other day why I need shampoo because I'll be in a car for most of the trip. I'll be gone Tuesday-Sunday. Gross, Dad. Gross. Anyway, because I can't take my already paid for stuff with me, I've decided to just buy it when I get there. There goes some of the money that I was saving for my trip.
6. Lists
Every time I go somewhere, I feel the need to make a list of what I'm packing because if I don't I'll forget socks or worse---my phone charger. Not only do I hate people who make lists, but I also hate doing things in advance. Efficiency is not my thing, so when I have to be efficient I get super grumpy.
And I don't just make one list. I've been known to make up to 6 lists. Each with a different category and with an array of different things. I think I have a problem.
5. Time Consumption
I would much rather spend my time frolicking in a field of puppies or drawing on the paint app on my phone or reading or counting the change in my change jar or watching this video.There are so many other things I would rather do than spend time throwing my stuff into a suitcase.
4. Folding clothes
Anyone who knows me is fully aware that 99% of the time, all of my clothes are thrown into a chair in the corner of my bedroom. When I pack, in order to fit all of my clothes into my suitcase, I have to fold them. But what usually ends up happening is that I ball them up and throw them in because I get bored.
3. Does the shoe fit?
I tend to want to take multiple pairs of Vans and only wear one pair the whole time. My feet are bigger than they look so my shoes take up a lot of space.
2. How the hell do I get all of this into one bag?
How do I fit them all in there? Stuff.
1. I never know what to bring
I never look at the weather for where I'm going so I never know what kind of clothes to bring. Should I bring a beanie? Will it be hot? (Not like heat matters. I wear the same things everywhere I go, no matter what the climate is) I just don't know.
Packing is the worst.
Since I will be traveling without my laptop next week, I will either elect someone to guest write a Top Ten Thursday for me ooooor just skip it and do another Top 20 the following week.
Either way, see you guys in two weeks.
4.18.2013
Top 20 Excuses For Why I've Been AWOL
My diet for the day so far is 92% caffeine, 2% hard-boiled egg, 4% sandwich, 2% cheez-its and I've slept for maybe 6 hours in the last 3 days so if I start to stray from the point of this post, you know why.
Also, I might be hallucinating a little bit.
It's been awhile since I've posted anything, so to make up for it today is going to be a list of 20 reasons why I haven't written anything in two weeks. I lead quite an invigorating life so prepare to be riddled with jealousy.
20. Last Thursday I hung out with Caroline all day then went to Sarah's for dinner
Caroline convinced me to skip my English class and hang out with her all day. We got sushi, she went shopping, she broke her sunglasses, and we hung out in her boyfriends apartment.
Then at the Bruins residence, there was a small gathering of peoples. Sarah made fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and veggies. We watched South Park. It was a deliciously good time.
19. After dinner last Thursday I got drunk off whiskey and tequila and watched scary movies and YouTube trailers with The North Star gang
The North Star is an apartment inhabited by 3 grungy yet hilarious college boys. I, among a number of other people, spend 90% of my weekends there.
We watched YouTube trailers for live-action '90s cartoons that should be made into actual movies. Specifically Pokemon, Doug, and Hey Arnold!. After we were done with that we watched The Blair Witch Project and the original Ghost Adventures movie.
18. Courage the Cowardly Dog is on Netflix
HE HAS TO SAVE MURIEL!
17. I played Portal: The Flash Version for 3 days
You don't know frustration until you attempt science.
16. The more I listen to Drake, the more I want to watch Degrassi
New goal in life: I want to go to a Drake concert and watch him roll out in a wheelchair singing the Canadian National Anthem.
15. One of my many birds died
I came home from school today and it looks like the rest of them ganged up on him. As much of an annoyance that these birds are, it's still kind of sad. Especially because I'm deathly afraid of birds, so it's just going to sit in the nest until my Dad gets home tomorrow.
14. Vacation planning
For the last month, I have been planning a flight to Oklahoma, a road trip from Oklahoma to the Vegas for a bachelorette party, a trip to the Vegas two weeks later for my birthday, and a trip to San Diego for a wedding the weekend after that. There goes my tax refund.
13. I've had the house to myself for a week
My parents have been in Big Bear on vacation. Fending for yourself is hard. I've eaten a whole lot of hard-boiled eggs. My cholesterol is probably through the roof. I burned my hand when I was boiling water the other day.
YOLO.
12. I have to go to school sometimes
Emphasis on "sometimes."
Since I've been home by myself, I've taken several personal days this week because I want to have as much time to myself in the house as humanely possible
11. I've been doing school-work in advance
I'm still in school during my Oklahoma-Vegas-Long Beach trip and I'm flying out on a Tuesday so I'll be missing 4 classes that week. I have 2 papers and a ton of small assignments due when I'm gone so I've been trying to get all of them done ahead of time so I don't have to take my laptop with me. With my extremely short attention span, it's been a challenge to keep my concentration. Having the house to myself has helped, though. My books are all over the living room.
10. I spent 9 hours playing The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword last Friday
I have friends. I swear I do.
9. After Zelda, I spent the next 9 hours watching horror movies on Netflix
Never watch The Haunting of Whaley House. It's probably the worst movie I've ever seen. I only picked it because I have been to Whaley House.
8. I got incredibly trashed on Saturday
Drunkxican was in fine form. Here are some quality conversations:
7. I was incredibly hungover on Sunday
I almost died in Orange County. I couldn't eat until like...8pm. I made my mark in many expensive Orange County bathrooms. It was terrible.
But I bought a top for Vegas. So that was good.
6. Text Messaging
It takes time OK?!?
5. I haven't changed my jeans in a week
That's a lie. I've changed into my work khakis. And the shorts that I sleep in.
But I haven't had time to do laundry so I just keep wearing the same pair of jeans. I might do laundry tonight. I should do laundry tonight.
4. Poker has taken over my life
I think we've already established that I have a minor gambling addiction. I've had to turn it down twice this week. It was painful.
3. I watched half a season of Roswell last night
Because that's productive.
2. Yesterday=Swedish movies and homework
I skipped my night class and came home at 3 when my first class let out. I watched/listened to 3 out of 6 parts of the original extended version of The Millenium Trilogy (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo etc.). It's so long, that each of the 3 films are cut into two 2 and a half hour increments.That's 7 and a half hours of Swedish. I do not speak Swedish. But it was the most productive I have been all week. I caught up on 80% of the stuff I wanted to get out of the way before I leave, so that's awesome.
1. CANDY CRUSH
I LOVE CANDY CRUSH! It's so addicting, that I refuse to connect the mobile app to my Facebook solely so I can play on my phone when I run out of lives on the computer. Have you played it? You should play it. It's like Bejeweled, but better because there's missions and fun music and candy. It's amazing.
To be perfectly honest, this is pretty much all that I've been doing for two weeks. I just sit around and wait to get more lives so I can keep playing Candy Crush.
Now you know what I've been doing for the past two weeks. Not really eating, not really sleeping, sort of working on school stuff, getting drunk (no surprise there) and playing a whole lot of Candy Crush. And poker.
I should make food. That's a thing I should do.
Also, I might be hallucinating a little bit.
It's been awhile since I've posted anything, so to make up for it today is going to be a list of 20 reasons why I haven't written anything in two weeks. I lead quite an invigorating life so prepare to be riddled with jealousy.
20. Last Thursday I hung out with Caroline all day then went to Sarah's for dinner
Caroline convinced me to skip my English class and hang out with her all day. We got sushi, she went shopping, she broke her sunglasses, and we hung out in her boyfriends apartment.
Then at the Bruins residence, there was a small gathering of peoples. Sarah made fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and veggies. We watched South Park. It was a deliciously good time.
The North Star is an apartment inhabited by 3 grungy yet hilarious college boys. I, among a number of other people, spend 90% of my weekends there.
We watched YouTube trailers for live-action '90s cartoons that should be made into actual movies. Specifically Pokemon, Doug, and Hey Arnold!. After we were done with that we watched The Blair Witch Project and the original Ghost Adventures movie.
18. Courage the Cowardly Dog is on Netflix
HE HAS TO SAVE MURIEL!
You don't know frustration until you attempt science.
16. The more I listen to Drake, the more I want to watch Degrassi
New goal in life: I want to go to a Drake concert and watch him roll out in a wheelchair singing the Canadian National Anthem.
15. One of my many birds died
I came home from school today and it looks like the rest of them ganged up on him. As much of an annoyance that these birds are, it's still kind of sad. Especially because I'm deathly afraid of birds, so it's just going to sit in the nest until my Dad gets home tomorrow.
For the last month, I have been planning a flight to Oklahoma, a road trip from Oklahoma to the Vegas for a bachelorette party, a trip to the Vegas two weeks later for my birthday, and a trip to San Diego for a wedding the weekend after that. There goes my tax refund.
13. I've had the house to myself for a week
My parents have been in Big Bear on vacation. Fending for yourself is hard. I've eaten a whole lot of hard-boiled eggs. My cholesterol is probably through the roof. I burned my hand when I was boiling water the other day.
YOLO.
Emphasis on "sometimes."
Since I've been home by myself, I've taken several personal days this week because I want to have as much time to myself in the house as humanely possible
11. I've been doing school-work in advance
I'm still in school during my Oklahoma-Vegas-Long Beach trip and I'm flying out on a Tuesday so I'll be missing 4 classes that week. I have 2 papers and a ton of small assignments due when I'm gone so I've been trying to get all of them done ahead of time so I don't have to take my laptop with me. With my extremely short attention span, it's been a challenge to keep my concentration. Having the house to myself has helped, though. My books are all over the living room.
10. I spent 9 hours playing The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword last Friday
I have friends. I swear I do.
9. After Zelda, I spent the next 9 hours watching horror movies on Netflix
Never watch The Haunting of Whaley House. It's probably the worst movie I've ever seen. I only picked it because I have been to Whaley House.
8. I got incredibly trashed on Saturday
Drunkxican was in fine form. Here are some quality conversations:
 |
| Fun fact: I have never met Kelli. |
 |
| I didn't know this existed until I saw Sam today. |
 |
| Not the first time she's gotten a text like this. |
7. I was incredibly hungover on Sunday
I almost died in Orange County. I couldn't eat until like...8pm. I made my mark in many expensive Orange County bathrooms. It was terrible.
But I bought a top for Vegas. So that was good.
6. Text Messaging
It takes time OK?!?
5. I haven't changed my jeans in a week
That's a lie. I've changed into my work khakis. And the shorts that I sleep in.
But I haven't had time to do laundry so I just keep wearing the same pair of jeans. I might do laundry tonight. I should do laundry tonight.
4. Poker has taken over my life
I think we've already established that I have a minor gambling addiction. I've had to turn it down twice this week. It was painful.
3. I watched half a season of Roswell last night
Because that's productive.
2. Yesterday=Swedish movies and homework
I skipped my night class and came home at 3 when my first class let out. I watched/listened to 3 out of 6 parts of the original extended version of The Millenium Trilogy (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo etc.). It's so long, that each of the 3 films are cut into two 2 and a half hour increments.That's 7 and a half hours of Swedish. I do not speak Swedish. But it was the most productive I have been all week. I caught up on 80% of the stuff I wanted to get out of the way before I leave, so that's awesome.
1. CANDY CRUSH
I LOVE CANDY CRUSH! It's so addicting, that I refuse to connect the mobile app to my Facebook solely so I can play on my phone when I run out of lives on the computer. Have you played it? You should play it. It's like Bejeweled, but better because there's missions and fun music and candy. It's amazing.
To be perfectly honest, this is pretty much all that I've been doing for two weeks. I just sit around and wait to get more lives so I can keep playing Candy Crush.
Now you know what I've been doing for the past two weeks. Not really eating, not really sleeping, sort of working on school stuff, getting drunk (no surprise there) and playing a whole lot of Candy Crush. And poker.
I should make food. That's a thing I should do.
4.04.2013
Top Ten Reasons Why I Might Have A Gambling Addiction
Today is currently one of the last few days of my Spring Break. I had intended on taking this time to get some school work out of the way before I go on my big adventure at the end of the month, but instead I've drank a lot of beer, watched a lot of baseball, bought a plane ticket, and watched two seasons of Batman Beyond on Netflix. You want to know what else I've been doing? POKER. Texas Hold 'Em to be specific. I cannot get enough of poker these days.
My friends and I started playing last Saturday, and so far it's all we've done the last 3 times we've all hung out. I am one of 2 people in my group of friends who have been to all three poker nights so far.
Last night as we were sitting in Derek's dirty, smoke-filled garage playing poker, we started talking about our Vegas trip next month. Lam and I are completely fucked if we start playing. We just can't get enough of poker. Keep in mind, we're just playing nickel and dime games with a $2 buy-in right now, but in Vegas we're shit out of luck.
Since that's all I can think about these days, I've decided to make this weeks Top Ten Thursday about my pending gambling addiction.
10. I didn't write a review or watch Secret Life this week
Well...I had been drinking all day because I went to the Dodgers' opening day in a limo stocked with beer. Then I ate tacos and drank more beer after the game. Then I watched The Hunger Games with Matt because he's never seen it. Then we played poker.
9. I can't stop betting once I start
I'll place a bet, someone will raise, and I just keep matching even if I have a low hand.
8. I'll place a bet even when I don't have a good hand
I'll keep betting on pocket 2's. Why? I have no idea.
7. I keep buying in when I lose my money
Buy-in is $2. I'll bleed my chips dry until I get down to like 50 cents, then I'll just put in another $2 to keep playing.
6. I have successfully managed to gain back the $5.50 I lost last Saturday
I've been playing so frequently with the goal of winning back the $5.50 I put in on Saturday. Last night put me over what I had originally put in. I am excited. BUT I MUST KEEP PLAYING.
5. I get way too competitive against other players
If the bet's not too high, I'll just keep matching it to try and get other players to drop out even if my hand is complete shit.
4. I should not be spending money on poker right now
I hate spending money in general, but I love poker. I have 3 different trips to fund in the next month. Luckily, I've won and gained back a total of about $10 so far.
3. I really hope there will be poker after we finish watching the Kings game tonight
I do not follow hockey, but I like hockey. I'm going to Derek's tonight to watch the Kings game and hopefully there will be poker afterward. And I left my beer there last night. So I should probably go drink it.
2. I'm still upset about the 4 of a kind ace hand I had a few days ago
The other day, I was dealt a hand of pocket aces. I was really excited about it until Lam fucked up while dealing and showed everyone his hand so we had to re-deal. Everyone saw the fuss on my face, I showed them what I had, he pulled the cards out of the deck just to see what would've been on the table. The last two cards were aces. I would've won with 4 of a kind aces.
1. I really want to play poker right now
It would be much more entertaining than the paper I'm working on.
So, there you have it. I may have developed an addiction to gambling. That's probably a big reason why I love the Vegas so much. Hmm...I get to go to Vegas soon....mmmm Vegas.
3.28.2013
Top Ten Ways to Let Out Your Aggression
The other day, I asked Marleen what she wanted to see for this week's TTT and she wanted to read about how do deal with pent up aggression so you can thank her for this beautiful masterpiece.
10. Paint or draw a picture
Artists always say that they use art to express themselves right? Even if you have never so much as doodled a happy face in the margin of your notes, you can use this anger and aggression to create a masterpiece. Maybe in your anger you can cut off your ear and send it to the person you're mad at because if it made van Gogh famous, it will make you famous. Send the person you're mad at a letter with your artwork and ear saying "Look what you made me do, fucker. But isn't my picture cool?"
9. Post an ambiguous rant on Facebook or Twitter
Because obviously, everyone cares about your life.
Because obviously, everyone cares about your life.
8. Read a book and drink whiskey
It'll help you understand the book better. You'll read Harry Potter and think you can do magic. It will be awesome.
6. Drink whiskey, go to the park and pop a random child's bouncy castle
The whiskey will give you an excuse to ruin little Jimmy's birthday. Because that fucker doesn't need to bounce. Watching the sad faces of kids will put your anger into perspective. You're significant other cheated on you? At least your 5th birthday wasn't ruined by drunk walking through the park.
The whiskey will give you an excuse to ruin little Jimmy's birthday. Because that fucker doesn't need to bounce. Watching the sad faces of kids will put your anger into perspective. You're significant other cheated on you? At least your 5th birthday wasn't ruined by drunk walking through the park.
5. Drive really fast in the rain listening to loud music like in the movies
Laugh in the face of danger. It makes you feel like you're in one of those awesome car chase scenes. If you're lucky, you might actually find yourself in a car chase.
Laugh in the face of danger. It makes you feel like you're in one of those awesome car chase scenes. If you're lucky, you might actually find yourself in a car chase.
4. Drink whiskey, go to the beach and stomp on children's sandcastles
Drinking and the beach go hand in hand. And it's the same concept of the bouncy castle. There's nothing more satisfying than watching the lights go out of their eyes while you destroy their hard work.Think about it, if there are less kids on the beach then you don't have to worry about getting caught by parents for drinking on the beach and the kids are doing something productive like mowing lawns or reading books. Everyone wins.
Also, sandcastles are lame.
Drinking and the beach go hand in hand. And it's the same concept of the bouncy castle. There's nothing more satisfying than watching the lights go out of their eyes while you destroy their hard work.Think about it, if there are less kids on the beach then you don't have to worry about getting caught by parents for drinking on the beach and the kids are doing something productive like mowing lawns or reading books. Everyone wins.
Also, sandcastles are lame.
3. Write a book and drink whiskey
Some of the greatest novelists wrote their tales when they were drunk. You're mad at your boss for giving that douche a raise and not you? It's time to find out if you're the next Hemingway. Use the whiskey to get your creative juices flowing. Write a story about his comeuppance. Then kill him off. If you decide to send it into a publication, change his name a little so he can't find a reason to sure you. For example: Bob Jones becomes 'Joe Bob.'
Some of the greatest novelists wrote their tales when they were drunk. You're mad at your boss for giving that douche a raise and not you? It's time to find out if you're the next Hemingway. Use the whiskey to get your creative juices flowing. Write a story about his comeuppance. Then kill him off. If you decide to send it into a publication, change his name a little so he can't find a reason to sure you. For example: Bob Jones becomes 'Joe Bob.'
2. Go to the batting cages
What's a better way to deal with your aggression than hitting the shit out of things? Take a few quarters, get a bat, and hit some balls. Not only are you working out your arms, but you're physically hitting something that could theoretically hurt a person. Have you ever been hit by a baseball or softball after someone has hit it? I have. It's not fun.
What's a better way to deal with your aggression than hitting the shit out of things? Take a few quarters, get a bat, and hit some balls. Not only are you working out your arms, but you're physically hitting something that could theoretically hurt a person. Have you ever been hit by a baseball or softball after someone has hit it? I have. It's not fun.
1. Drink a lot of whiskey
Do I need to say more?
So there you go, Marleen. Basically, drink, do something creative, beat balls, and destroy the hopes and dreams of children.
Do I need to say more?
So there you go, Marleen. Basically, drink, do something creative, beat balls, and destroy the hopes and dreams of children.
3.25.2013
Secret Monday's: This Time, It's Sexual.
It's that time of the week again! Secret Life of the One Town in America Where Everyone is Pregnant.
I'm reporting live from the confines of my bedroom, eating a dinner of frozen fish sticks and dino nuggets like a five year old.
I have no idea why I am watching this shitty show, but I know that when this episode's over I have to start watching Army Wives because I promised a friend that I would.
Now I'm stalling.
Let the melting of my brain begin!
8:00 THE SCHOOL COUNSELOR IS ONE OF THE 7TH HEAVEN FREAKS! She thinks the nerdy guy is crazy.
8:02 Black guy counselor is leaving. I kind of remember him maybe? Apparently there was some sort of scandal and investigation or something.
8:03: OOOOOH he's sleeping with the Latina sloot.
8:03 Amy Slootgans is upset that the nerdy guy is upset that he straight up told her he's done with her.
8:05 family feud with nerdy guy and the 15 year old prostitute because he forgot about her at school.
8:05 The Asian preggers girl's dad is not happy that the whiny kid came with her to Texas. I like his tie.
8:07 Why is the dad not Asian? why are none of these kids the same ethnicity of their kids. The dad's Mexican or Middle Eastern or something. The mom is white. Clearly that equals Asian.
8:08 This dad is a dick. "She shouldn't be comfortable." "She shouldn't be going on dates" Shipping her away so she can pop a child out of your vagoo isn't punishment enough? Let's see you try it bro.
8:11 I like the Mexican housekeeper. She's like a sassy black woman.
8:15 Ricky complains a whole hell of a lot about the shitty dress. Apparently he doesn't love Amy and he doesn't want to get married. Scandalous.
8:16 The big headed douche has a broken arm and leg? That's a janky looking cast. He's trying to get the Bible thumper girlfriend to cut his casts off so he can start practicing for some sport. She said no and cussed.
8:18 The Latina sloot and the black teacher guy are getting married. Is she legal? As in a green card and the age of 18. Both are very valid questions.
8:20 Aaaaaand we're back to whiny Ricky. Damn he's hot. He just needs to shut up.
8:21 Wasn't this black therapist in the movie Congo?
8:25 This girl with a big forehead and the nerdy guy are being set up on a date or something. Why is her head so big?
8:26 They're going to bone. I can feel it.
8:28 Now the nerdy kid is realizing that he never loved Amy Slootgans.
8:29 The whiny kid has good insight on life. THE NERDY KID HAS A NICE ASS BMW
8:30 She's not a grown woman. She is 15 and had a kid. She's not a grown up. She just has a wide-set vagina.
8:31 Now the parents sound like actual humans and not ethnically confused robots.
8:33 So they're letting her go back to Slootville?
8:37 I remember the tard brother. Amy's dad is with the Bible thumper's mom? Is that what's happening? Apparently the tard is in trouble because he tried to convince a girl to move into his room because he wanted to bone her. Get it, tard bro.
8:40 Apparently the Bible mom and Papa Slootgans were a thing in the past and got back together because it was easy.
8:41 Papa Slootgans lied and the baby kid is not his kid. He's known this whole time. "I stayed with a gay woman!" bahahaha
8:42 Papa Slootgans, he's not your kid. Get over it.
8:42 Seriously though, where's the Slootgans youngest female? The sister disappeared or something. Or got pregnant like the rest of the women in this town and had to be shipped off?
8:46 Oh that's right. The douche guy almost died because he was beaten by a pimp. He just had an epiphany, he wants to be a minister.
8:48 Ricky is about to get himself in trouble right now. He's lying! Whatadick!
8:49 And now they bone. I hope she doesn't get pregnant again.
8:49 The Latina sloot is marrying into a genius. He's going to be rich as hell.
8:50 HE GOT A CHECK FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?!?!? FUCK THAT GUY! Oh wait, she did.
8:52 The nerdy kid is super romantical and boooooring. But he did admit that he's really into the big head girl. I knew they would bone.
8:56 Poor Papa Slootgans can get it up. This episode is all kinds of sexual.
8:57 The big headed douche has really big ears.
8:59 I think the Asian girl's parents are letting her go home with whiny kid.
9:00 Yup. And nerdy guy is letting them bone in his car or something.
That episode was all kinds of sexual. Ugh. It keeps getting worse and worse. Now this stupid Jennifer Lopez movie is on. Gross.
I'm going to make more fish sticks and watch an episode of Army Wives before Bates Motel comes on. I need a little murder to feel normal again.
I'm reporting live from the confines of my bedroom, eating a dinner of frozen fish sticks and dino nuggets like a five year old.
I have no idea why I am watching this shitty show, but I know that when this episode's over I have to start watching Army Wives because I promised a friend that I would.
Now I'm stalling.
Let the melting of my brain begin!
8:00 THE SCHOOL COUNSELOR IS ONE OF THE 7TH HEAVEN FREAKS! She thinks the nerdy guy is crazy.
8:02 Black guy counselor is leaving. I kind of remember him maybe? Apparently there was some sort of scandal and investigation or something.
8:03: OOOOOH he's sleeping with the Latina sloot.
8:03 Amy Slootgans is upset that the nerdy guy is upset that he straight up told her he's done with her.
8:05 family feud with nerdy guy and the 15 year old prostitute because he forgot about her at school.
8:05 The Asian preggers girl's dad is not happy that the whiny kid came with her to Texas. I like his tie.
8:07 Why is the dad not Asian? why are none of these kids the same ethnicity of their kids. The dad's Mexican or Middle Eastern or something. The mom is white. Clearly that equals Asian.
8:08 This dad is a dick. "She shouldn't be comfortable." "She shouldn't be going on dates" Shipping her away so she can pop a child out of your vagoo isn't punishment enough? Let's see you try it bro.
8:11 I like the Mexican housekeeper. She's like a sassy black woman.
8:15 Ricky complains a whole hell of a lot about the shitty dress. Apparently he doesn't love Amy and he doesn't want to get married. Scandalous.
8:16 The big headed douche has a broken arm and leg? That's a janky looking cast. He's trying to get the Bible thumper girlfriend to cut his casts off so he can start practicing for some sport. She said no and cussed.
8:18 The Latina sloot and the black teacher guy are getting married. Is she legal? As in a green card and the age of 18. Both are very valid questions.
8:20 Aaaaaand we're back to whiny Ricky. Damn he's hot. He just needs to shut up.
8:21 Wasn't this black therapist in the movie Congo?
8:25 This girl with a big forehead and the nerdy guy are being set up on a date or something. Why is her head so big?
8:26 They're going to bone. I can feel it.
8:28 Now the nerdy kid is realizing that he never loved Amy Slootgans.
8:29 The whiny kid has good insight on life. THE NERDY KID HAS A NICE ASS BMW
8:30 She's not a grown woman. She is 15 and had a kid. She's not a grown up. She just has a wide-set vagina.
8:31 Now the parents sound like actual humans and not ethnically confused robots.
8:33 So they're letting her go back to Slootville?
8:37 I remember the tard brother. Amy's dad is with the Bible thumper's mom? Is that what's happening? Apparently the tard is in trouble because he tried to convince a girl to move into his room because he wanted to bone her. Get it, tard bro.
8:40 Apparently the Bible mom and Papa Slootgans were a thing in the past and got back together because it was easy.
8:41 Papa Slootgans lied and the baby kid is not his kid. He's known this whole time. "I stayed with a gay woman!" bahahaha
8:42 Papa Slootgans, he's not your kid. Get over it.
8:42 Seriously though, where's the Slootgans youngest female? The sister disappeared or something. Or got pregnant like the rest of the women in this town and had to be shipped off?
8:46 Oh that's right. The douche guy almost died because he was beaten by a pimp. He just had an epiphany, he wants to be a minister.
8:48 Ricky is about to get himself in trouble right now. He's lying! Whatadick!
8:49 And now they bone. I hope she doesn't get pregnant again.
8:49 The Latina sloot is marrying into a genius. He's going to be rich as hell.
8:50 HE GOT A CHECK FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?!?!? FUCK THAT GUY! Oh wait, she did.
8:52 The nerdy kid is super romantical and boooooring. But he did admit that he's really into the big head girl. I knew they would bone.
8:56 Poor Papa Slootgans can get it up. This episode is all kinds of sexual.
8:57 The big headed douche has really big ears.
8:59 I think the Asian girl's parents are letting her go home with whiny kid.
9:00 Yup. And nerdy guy is letting them bone in his car or something.
That episode was all kinds of sexual. Ugh. It keeps getting worse and worse. Now this stupid Jennifer Lopez movie is on. Gross.
I'm going to make more fish sticks and watch an episode of Army Wives before Bates Motel comes on. I need a little murder to feel normal again.
3.21.2013
Top Ten Thursday: Bands I Don't Like Talking About
In May, I will be taking a road trip from Oklahoma to Long Beach with a friend of mine. We've taken a couple of road trips in the past, and one of my pre-road trip rituals is to make a massive playlist. Since this is my job and she is terrible with computers, I recently obtained 200 new songs and have begun sifting through them putting my playlist together. Every time I put a new playlist together, I hesitate to include certain bands or certain songs because I don't want people to know about them. I know, you're thinking "hipster."
I went through the dreaded hipster phase last year---saggy nipple beanie and all. As time went on, the hipsterness was too much for me to handle. Much like my white-washed Mexican ethnicity, I became the worst hipster in the hip universe. I can't do the weird food and I am not hip to the cardigans or funky sunglasses. The only thing that I've always been into is weird indie music.
This band reminds me of early Rilo Kiley. They have only released one album and that was in 2007, but I'm hoping they'll come out with a follow-up someday. I remember buying this album in a record store that I used to frequent. I picked it up simply because I liked the cover and it was $5. I've heard one or two of their songs on Grey's Anatomy so I know that I'm not their only fan because I haven't met anyone who knows who they are. A couple of good tracks to check out off of their album "The Chaos in Order" are "Icicles" and "We Get Along". They remind me of rainbows and unicorns and lollipops.
My junior year of high school, a friend handed me a CD with a cover of three men in suits holding kittens in front of their faces. I was immediately intrigued out of sheer adorableness. We Are Scientists is a band that I have loved for many years now, and over time I have accumulated all of their albums. All of them are awesome. We Are Scientists is a band to listen to if you need to wake up or are full of energy. Although they do a bone-chillingly amazing cover of Sigur Ros' "Hoppipola", one of my favorite songs from this band is called "This Scene is Dead" off of their album "With Love and Squalor". Actually, that whole album is pretty fantastic. They're pretty fast paced with a very New York kind of vibe. Just listen to them and you'll get it.
Some Honorable Mentions:
I'm just going to list some tracks that I really like. You don't like them? Too bad. The world does not revolve around you.
Japandroids: "The Nights of Wine and Roses"
Mellowdrone: "Fashionably Uninvited", "Tinylittle"
First Aid Kit: "The Lion's Roar", "Emmylou", and "King of the World"
Say Hi To Your Mom: "Hooplas Involving Circus Tricks", "Pop Music of the Future", and "Let's Talk About Spaceships".
Army Navy: "Silvery Sleds"and "Snakes of Hawaii
Go listen to some new music people. Expand your minds or whatever.
I went through the dreaded hipster phase last year---saggy nipple beanie and all. As time went on, the hipsterness was too much for me to handle. Much like my white-washed Mexican ethnicity, I became the worst hipster in the hip universe. I can't do the weird food and I am not hip to the cardigans or funky sunglasses. The only thing that I've always been into is weird indie music.
By now, I'm sure you are aware that I like many different types of music, but ever since I can remember, I have really been into the bands that no one I know likes or talks about. Throughout the years I have introduced many friends to different bands and artists but there are a handful that I like to keep to myself because I have a fear that once they get mainstream, they'll change their sound and get really shitty *coughsorrydeathcabcough*. My iPod is packed with weird artist titles that confuse my friends when they go through it and it totally explains why I needed a 160 GB iPod.
Today's Top Ten Thursday will introduce you to a select few of the bands that I don't like talking about. I'm breaking my moral code because I'm tired of people talking about One Direction, so listen to some of these groups and expand your music library.
10. Bishop Allen
Bishop Allen might be most memorable from their brief appearance in the movie "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist." What's weird is that their song "Middle Management" from the film is completely different than every other song on their album "The Broken String". I like the inconsistency because I'll never know what to expect from this band. "Middle Management" is a good song, but another good song to check out is "Like Castanets".
Bishop Allen might be most memorable from their brief appearance in the movie "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist." What's weird is that their song "Middle Management" from the film is completely different than every other song on their album "The Broken String". I like the inconsistency because I'll never know what to expect from this band. "Middle Management" is a good song, but another good song to check out is "Like Castanets".
9. Let's Go Sailing
This band reminds me of early Rilo Kiley. They have only released one album and that was in 2007, but I'm hoping they'll come out with a follow-up someday. I remember buying this album in a record store that I used to frequent. I picked it up simply because I liked the cover and it was $5. I've heard one or two of their songs on Grey's Anatomy so I know that I'm not their only fan because I haven't met anyone who knows who they are. A couple of good tracks to check out off of their album "The Chaos in Order" are "Icicles" and "We Get Along". They remind me of rainbows and unicorns and lollipops.
8. Reptar
I found this band not too long ago because I was looking at a list of the top-something indie albums for 2012 and I was intrigued by the name. Any '90s kid would be, right? I don't even know how to explain how cool this band is. They have a very raw quality to them that I really like. "Orifice Origami" is a pretty solid track to listen to. I'm pretty sure that this is actually Tommy Pickle's band.
I found this band not too long ago because I was looking at a list of the top-something indie albums for 2012 and I was intrigued by the name. Any '90s kid would be, right? I don't even know how to explain how cool this band is. They have a very raw quality to them that I really like. "Orifice Origami" is a pretty solid track to listen to. I'm pretty sure that this is actually Tommy Pickle's band.
7. Does It Offend You? Yeah
Most people will remember the song "We Are Rockstars" from "The Fast and the Furious" movies. I like this band because I can't pinpoint who they sound like. Every song on their album, "You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into", is completely different. This British electro-rock band is way too cool. One of my favorite songs by them is "Let's Make Out" because it is hilarious. But if you listen to it loud in your car with the windows down, prepare for creepy semi-truck drivers to stare and mouth inappropriate things at you.
Most people will remember the song "We Are Rockstars" from "The Fast and the Furious" movies. I like this band because I can't pinpoint who they sound like. Every song on their album, "You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into", is completely different. This British electro-rock band is way too cool. One of my favorite songs by them is "Let's Make Out" because it is hilarious. But if you listen to it loud in your car with the windows down, prepare for creepy semi-truck drivers to stare and mouth inappropriate things at you.
6. Coconut Records
I'm shocked that I've only met one person who knows who this band is. Coconut Records is a band headlined by the actor Jason Schwartzman. If you've seen any of the Wes Anderson films, you'll know who he is. This band has a Weezer vibe to their sound. They're poppy and their lyrics are very catchy. I love to listen to them when I drive to San Diego because coconuts remind me of the beach. All of their songs are good, but two of my favorites are "West Coast" and "Any Fun".
I'm shocked that I've only met one person who knows who this band is. Coconut Records is a band headlined by the actor Jason Schwartzman. If you've seen any of the Wes Anderson films, you'll know who he is. This band has a Weezer vibe to their sound. They're poppy and their lyrics are very catchy. I love to listen to them when I drive to San Diego because coconuts remind me of the beach. All of their songs are good, but two of my favorites are "West Coast" and "Any Fun".
5. Darkstar
Matt sent me a link to this band's website because he thought they "sound like Death Cab". I don't think they sound like them at all, but I like them anyway. "Gold" is probably my favorite track off of their album "North". They're dark lyrically but they have a little bit of an electronic-ish sound to them.
Matt sent me a link to this band's website because he thought they "sound like Death Cab". I don't think they sound like them at all, but I like them anyway. "Gold" is probably my favorite track off of their album "North". They're dark lyrically but they have a little bit of an electronic-ish sound to them.
4. Peter Bjorn and John
This is probably one of the more mainstream of the bands that I've chosen for this list. In late-2006/early 2007, you might remember a song on the radio called "Young Folks". Over the years, I have accumulated most of their albums because I can't get enough of this weird Swedish band.
This is probably one of the more mainstream of the bands that I've chosen for this list. In late-2006/early 2007, you might remember a song on the radio called "Young Folks". Over the years, I have accumulated most of their albums because I can't get enough of this weird Swedish band.
3. The Jim Yoshii Pile-Up
The Jim Yoshii Pile-Up is lyrically a very dark band. Their overall sound is very similar to Death Cab in their pre-Plans days (aka when they were incredible). Come to think of it, I have not listened to TJYPU in a very long time even though they were one of the first bands to come to mind when I thought of this list. I found them way back when iTunes was the 'cool' way to download music off the internet. I had some iTunes gift cards and after downloading the music that I actually wanted, I started searching random words. One of them had something to do with Super Mario and Jim Yoshii popped up. I downloaded the song "3+1" and was hooked.
The Jim Yoshii Pile-Up is lyrically a very dark band. Their overall sound is very similar to Death Cab in their pre-Plans days (aka when they were incredible). Come to think of it, I have not listened to TJYPU in a very long time even though they were one of the first bands to come to mind when I thought of this list. I found them way back when iTunes was the 'cool' way to download music off the internet. I had some iTunes gift cards and after downloading the music that I actually wanted, I started searching random words. One of them had something to do with Super Mario and Jim Yoshii popped up. I downloaded the song "3+1" and was hooked.
2. We Are Scientists
My junior year of high school, a friend handed me a CD with a cover of three men in suits holding kittens in front of their faces. I was immediately intrigued out of sheer adorableness. We Are Scientists is a band that I have loved for many years now, and over time I have accumulated all of their albums. All of them are awesome. We Are Scientists is a band to listen to if you need to wake up or are full of energy. Although they do a bone-chillingly amazing cover of Sigur Ros' "Hoppipola", one of my favorite songs from this band is called "This Scene is Dead" off of their album "With Love and Squalor". Actually, that whole album is pretty fantastic. They're pretty fast paced with a very New York kind of vibe. Just listen to them and you'll get it.
1. Blind Pilot
This is one of my favorite finds so far. Sometimes, I don't even like listening to them because I'm afraid of other people asking me what I'm listening to, liking them and making them big. It's a whole thing. One of my favorite songs by Blind Pilot is "3 Rounds and a Sound" from the album of the same name. They're definitely a band to check out if you're into folk-rocky type sounds.
This is one of my favorite finds so far. Sometimes, I don't even like listening to them because I'm afraid of other people asking me what I'm listening to, liking them and making them big. It's a whole thing. One of my favorite songs by Blind Pilot is "3 Rounds and a Sound" from the album of the same name. They're definitely a band to check out if you're into folk-rocky type sounds.
Some Honorable Mentions:
I'm just going to list some tracks that I really like. You don't like them? Too bad. The world does not revolve around you.
Japandroids: "The Nights of Wine and Roses"
Mellowdrone: "Fashionably Uninvited", "Tinylittle"
First Aid Kit: "The Lion's Roar", "Emmylou", and "King of the World"
Say Hi To Your Mom: "Hooplas Involving Circus Tricks", "Pop Music of the Future", and "Let's Talk About Spaceships".
Army Navy: "Silvery Sleds"and "Snakes of Hawaii
Go listen to some new music people. Expand your minds or whatever.
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