Top Ten Ways to Let Out Your Aggression

The other day, I asked Marleen what she wanted to see for this week's TTT and she wanted to read about how do deal with pent up aggression so you can thank her for this beautiful masterpiece.

10. Paint or draw a picture

Artists always say that they use art to express themselves right? Even if you have never so much as doodled a happy face in the margin of your notes, you can use this anger and aggression to create a masterpiece. Maybe in your anger you can cut off your ear and send it to the person you're mad at because if it made van Gogh famous, it will make you famous. Send the person you're mad at a letter with your artwork and ear saying "Look what you made me do, fucker. But isn't my picture cool?"

9. Post an ambiguous rant on Facebook or Twitter

Because obviously, everyone cares about your life.

8. Read a book and drink whiskey

It'll help you understand the book better. You'll read Harry Potter and think you can do magic. It will be awesome.

6. Drink whiskey, go to the park and pop a random child's bouncy castle

The whiskey will give you an excuse to ruin little Jimmy's birthday. Because that fucker doesn't need to bounce. Watching the sad faces of kids will put your anger into perspective. You're significant other cheated on you? At least your 5th birthday wasn't ruined by drunk walking through the park.

5. Drive really fast in the rain listening to loud music like in the movies

Laugh in the face of danger. It makes you feel like you're in one of those awesome car chase scenes. If you're lucky, you might actually find yourself in a car chase.

4. Drink whiskey, go to the beach and stomp on children's sandcastles

Drinking and the beach go hand in hand. And it's the same concept of the bouncy castle. There's nothing more satisfying than watching the lights go out of their eyes while you destroy their hard work.Think about it, if there are less kids on the beach then you don't have to worry about getting caught by parents for drinking on the beach and the kids are doing something productive like mowing lawns or reading books. Everyone wins.

Also, sandcastles are lame.

3. Write a book and drink whiskey

Some of the greatest novelists wrote their tales when they were drunk. You're mad at your boss for giving that douche a raise and not you? It's time to find out if you're the next Hemingway. Use the whiskey to get your creative juices flowing. Write a story about his comeuppance. Then kill him off. If you decide to send it into a publication, change his name a little so he can't find a reason to sure you. For example: Bob Jones becomes 'Joe Bob.'

2. Go to the batting cages

What's a better way to deal with your aggression than hitting the shit out of things? Take a few quarters, get a bat, and hit some balls. Not only are you working out your arms, but you're physically hitting something that could theoretically hurt a person. Have you ever been hit by a baseball or softball after someone has hit it? I have. It's not fun.

1. Drink a lot of whiskey

Do I need to say more? 


So there you go, Marleen. Basically, drink, do something creative, beat balls, and destroy the hopes and dreams of children. 

Secret Monday's: This Time, It's Sexual.

It's that time of the week again! Secret Life of the One Town in America Where Everyone is Pregnant. 

I'm reporting live from the confines of my bedroom, eating a dinner of frozen fish sticks and dino nuggets like a five year old. 

I have no idea why I am watching this shitty show, but I know that when this episode's over I have to start watching Army Wives because I promised a friend that I would. 

Now I'm stalling. 

Let the melting of my brain begin!




8:00 THE SCHOOL COUNSELOR IS ONE OF THE 7TH HEAVEN FREAKS! She thinks the nerdy guy is crazy.

8:02 Black guy counselor is leaving. I kind of remember him maybe? Apparently there was some sort of scandal and investigation or something. 

8:03: OOOOOH he's sleeping with the Latina sloot.

8:03 Amy Slootgans is upset that the nerdy guy is upset that he straight up told her he's done with her.

8:05 family feud with nerdy guy and the 15 year old prostitute because he forgot about her at school.

8:05 The Asian preggers girl's dad is not happy that the whiny kid came with her to Texas. I like his tie. 

8:07 Why is the dad not Asian? why are none of these kids the same ethnicity of their kids. The dad's Mexican or Middle Eastern or something. The mom is white. Clearly that equals Asian.

8:08 This dad is a dick. "She shouldn't be comfortable." "She shouldn't be going on dates" Shipping her away so she can pop a child out of your vagoo isn't punishment enough? Let's see you try it bro.

8:11 I like the Mexican housekeeper. She's like a sassy black woman.

8:15 Ricky complains a whole hell of a lot about the shitty dress. Apparently he doesn't love Amy and he doesn't want to get married. Scandalous.

8:16 The big headed douche has a broken arm and leg? That's a janky looking cast. He's trying to get the Bible thumper girlfriend to cut his casts off so he can start practicing for some sport. She said no and cussed.

8:18 The Latina sloot and the black teacher guy are getting married. Is she legal? As in a green card and the age of 18. Both are very valid questions.

8:20 Aaaaaand we're back to whiny Ricky. Damn he's hot. He just needs to shut up.

8:21 Wasn't this black therapist in the movie Congo?

8:25 This girl with a big forehead and the nerdy guy are being set up on a date or something. Why is her head so big?

8:26 They're going to bone. I can feel it.

8:28 Now the nerdy kid is realizing that he never loved Amy Slootgans.

8:29 The whiny kid has good insight on life.  THE NERDY KID HAS A NICE ASS BMW

8:30 She's not a grown woman. She is 15 and had a kid. She's not a grown up. She just has a wide-set vagina.

8:31 Now the parents sound like actual humans and not ethnically confused robots.

8:33 So they're letting her go back to Slootville?

8:37 I remember the tard brother. Amy's dad is with the Bible thumper's mom? Is that what's happening? Apparently the tard is in trouble because he tried to convince a girl to move into his room because he wanted to bone her. Get it, tard bro.

8:40 Apparently the Bible mom and Papa Slootgans were a thing in the past and got back together because it was easy.

8:41 Papa Slootgans lied and the baby kid is not his kid. He's known this whole time. "I stayed with a gay woman!" bahahaha

8:42 Papa Slootgans, he's not your kid. Get over it.

8:42 Seriously though, where's the Slootgans youngest female? The sister disappeared or something. Or got pregnant like the rest of the women in this town and had to be shipped off? 

8:46 Oh that's right. The douche guy almost died because he was beaten by a pimp. He just had an epiphany, he wants to be a minister. 

8:48 Ricky is about to get himself in trouble right now. He's lying! Whatadick!

8:49 And now they bone. I hope she doesn't get pregnant again.

8:49 The Latina sloot is marrying into a genius. He's going to be rich as hell.

8:50 HE GOT A CHECK FOR A MILLION DOLLARS?!?!? FUCK THAT GUY! Oh wait, she did.

8:52 The nerdy kid is super romantical and boooooring. But he did admit that he's really into the big head girl. I knew they would bone.

8:56 Poor Papa Slootgans can get it up. This episode is all kinds of sexual.

8:57 The big headed douche has really big ears. 

8:59 I think the Asian girl's parents are letting her go home with whiny kid. 

9:00 Yup. And nerdy guy is letting them bone in his car or something.


That episode was all kinds of sexual. Ugh. It keeps getting worse and worse. Now this stupid Jennifer Lopez movie is on. Gross. 

I'm going to make more fish sticks and watch an episode of Army Wives before Bates Motel comes on. I need a little murder to feel normal again.

Top Ten Thursday: Bands I Don't Like Talking About

In May, I will be taking a road trip from Oklahoma to Long Beach with a friend of mine. We've taken a couple of road trips in the past, and one of my pre-road trip rituals is to make a massive playlist. Since this is my job and she is terrible with computers, I recently obtained 200 new songs and have begun sifting through them putting my playlist together. Every time I put a new playlist together, I hesitate to include certain bands or certain songs because I don't want people to know about them. I know, you're thinking "hipster."

I went through the dreaded hipster phase last year---saggy nipple beanie and all. As time went on, the hipsterness was too much for me to handle. Much like my white-washed Mexican ethnicity, I became the worst hipster in the hip universe. I can't do the weird food and I am not hip to the cardigans or funky sunglasses. The only thing that I've always been into is weird indie music.

By now, I'm sure you are aware that I like many different types of music, but ever since I can remember, I have really been into the bands that no one I know likes or talks about. Throughout the years I have introduced many friends to different bands and artists but there are a handful that I like to keep to myself because I have a fear that once they get mainstream, they'll change their sound and get really shitty *coughsorrydeathcabcough*. My iPod is packed with weird artist titles that confuse my friends when they go through it and it totally explains why I needed a 160 GB iPod. 

Today's Top Ten Thursday will introduce you to a select few of the bands that I don't like talking about. I'm breaking my moral code because I'm tired of people talking about One Direction, so listen to some of these groups and expand your music library.

10. Bishop Allen

Bishop Allen might be most memorable from their brief appearance in the movie "Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist." What's weird is that their song "Middle Management" from the film is completely different than every other song on their album "The Broken String". I like the inconsistency because I'll never know what to expect from this band. "Middle Management" is a good song, but another good song to check out is "Like Castanets". 

9.  Let's Go Sailing

This band reminds me of early Rilo Kiley. They have only released one album and that was in 2007, but I'm hoping they'll come out with a follow-up someday. I remember buying this album in a record store that I used to frequent. I picked it up simply because I liked the cover and it was $5. I've heard one or two of their songs on Grey's Anatomy so I know that I'm not their only fan because I haven't met anyone who knows who they are. A couple of good tracks to check out off of their album "The Chaos in Order" are "Icicles" and "We Get Along". They remind me of rainbows and unicorns and lollipops.  

8.  Reptar 

I found this band not too long ago because I was looking at a list of the top-something indie albums for 2012 and I was intrigued by the name. Any '90s kid would be, right? I don't even know how to explain how cool this band is. They have a very raw quality to them that I really like. "Orifice Origami"  is a pretty solid track to listen to. I'm pretty sure that this is actually Tommy Pickle's band.  

7. Does It Offend You? Yeah

Most people will remember the song "We Are Rockstars" from "The Fast and the Furious" movies. I like this band because I can't pinpoint who they sound like. Every song on their album, "You Have No Idea What You're Getting Yourself Into", is completely different. This British electro-rock band is way too cool. One of my favorite songs by them is "Let's Make Out" because it is hilarious. But if you listen to it loud in your car with the windows down, prepare for creepy semi-truck drivers to stare and mouth inappropriate things at you. 

6. Coconut Records

I'm shocked that I've only met one person who knows who this band is. Coconut Records is a band headlined by the actor Jason Schwartzman. If you've seen any of the Wes Anderson films, you'll know who he is. This band has a Weezer vibe to their sound. They're poppy and their lyrics are very catchy. I love to listen to them when I drive to San Diego because coconuts remind me of the beach. All of their songs are good, but two of my favorites are "West Coast" and "Any Fun".

5. Darkstar

Matt sent me a link to this band's website because he thought they "sound like Death Cab". I don't think they sound like them at all, but I like them anyway. "Gold" is probably my favorite track off of their album "North". They're dark lyrically but they have a little bit of an electronic-ish sound to them. 

4. Peter Bjorn and John

This is probably one of the more mainstream of the bands that I've chosen for this list. In late-2006/early 2007, you might remember a song on the radio called "Young Folks".    Over the years, I have accumulated most of their albums because I can't get enough of  this weird Swedish band. 

3. The Jim Yoshii Pile-Up

The Jim Yoshii Pile-Up is lyrically a very dark band. Their overall sound is very similar to Death Cab in their pre-Plans days (aka when they were incredible). Come to think of it, I have not listened to TJYPU in a very long time even though they were one of the first bands to come to mind when I thought of this list.  I found them way back when iTunes was the 'cool' way to download music off the internet. I had some iTunes gift cards and after downloading the music that I actually wanted, I started searching random words. One of them had something to do with Super Mario and Jim Yoshii popped up. I downloaded the song "3+1" and was hooked.

2. We Are Scientists

My junior year of high school, a friend handed me a CD  with a cover of three men in suits holding kittens in front of their faces. I was immediately intrigued out of sheer adorableness. We Are Scientists is a band that I have loved for many years now, and over time I have accumulated all of their albums. All of them are awesome. We Are Scientists is a band to listen to if you need to wake up or are full of energy. Although they do a bone-chillingly amazing cover of Sigur Ros' "Hoppipola", one of my favorite songs from this band is called "This Scene is Dead" off of their album "With Love and Squalor". Actually, that whole album is pretty fantastic. They're pretty fast paced with a very New York kind of vibe. Just listen to them and you'll get it.

1. Blind Pilot

This is one of my favorite finds so far. Sometimes, I don't even like listening to them because I'm afraid of other people asking me what I'm listening to, liking them and making them big. It's a whole thing. One of my favorite songs by Blind Pilot is "3 Rounds and a Sound" from the album of the same name. They're definitely a band to check out if you're into folk-rocky type sounds.

Some Honorable Mentions:

I'm just going to list some tracks that I really like. You don't like them? Too bad. The world does not revolve around you.

Japandroids: "The Nights of Wine and Roses"

Mellowdrone: "Fashionably Uninvited", "Tinylittle"

First Aid Kit: "The Lion's Roar", "Emmylou", and "King of the World"

Say Hi To Your Mom: "Hooplas Involving Circus Tricks", "Pop Music of the Future", and "Let's Talk About Spaceships".

Army Navy: "Silvery Sleds"and "Snakes of Hawaii

Go listen to some new music people. Expand your minds or whatever.

Secret Monday's: Everyone is a sloot.

I watch a lot of crappy television shows. From MTV to ABC Family, my choice in TV shows is complete shit. Recently, I've started watching Laguna Beach re-runs on Netflix just for shits and giggles. I've been addicted to crappy television since I was young and it's surprising that my brain is not mush by now. 

One show that I could never get into is the 'Secret Life of A Nerdy 16 Year Old Who Gave it Up at Band Camp' or "Secret Life of the American Teenager" as you know it. When the show began, I watched the first two episodes and couldn't get into it so I stopped and never gave it another thought. 

I've recently decided to try and watch it's the final season, so Monday nights will be dedicated to my thoughts on this stupid show. 

Oh, and before you start reading, keep in mind that sloot is another word for slut. I'm trying to make it happen. Like fetch.

8:01: What the fuck is going on?

8:02:  Oh this half-Asian 12 year old gave up her baby for adoption

8:02: They let the pregnant teenager mentor other pregnant teenagers? 

8:02: SHE GOT MARRIED??

8:03: You know how to avoid people talking about your wedlocked pregnancy? Not sleep around when you're 12.

8:04: Oh she's not married. She's getting married.

8:04: I've always thought this Ricky kid was an attractive fellow.

8:04: Who is this whiny kid? Why does he want to leave with the half-Asian? What is her name?

8:05: How did this kid spawn from a black lady and an Indian guy?

8:07: Really Indian dude? You're going to let your 15 year old son move by himself to Texas? This isn't India. You can't just ship your kids off to live with their high school girlfriend.

8:08: Ooooh the half-Asian's name is Kathy. Maybe with a 'c'? I always thought Asian Kathy's are with a 'k'.

8:09: This girl looks like a sloot.

8:09: They let her live with Ricky? Shit, I would do more than live with Ricky.

8:10: Does this kid know how much a wedding dress costs? Really fucking expensive.

8:11. What? She's blaming him and he thinks that she wants to back out of the wedding?

8:11: That dress is super shitty though. 

8:15: I totally forgot that the Breakfast Club girl is in this

8:16: HOLY SHIT IT'S MARIA'S MOM FROM ROSWELL

8:16: The dad is hitting on Maria's mom and she's a lesbian

8:17: 80's queen is a lesbian now?

8:17: She has a kid too? How many kids are in this show? What the hell is making these people so fertile?

8:18: Maria's mom is an AA sponsor

8:19: Ricky's mom is possibly a lesbian. There are a whole lot of lesbians in this show

8:20: Ricky's mom is jealous as fuck

8:23: This big headed douche is still in this show? And he's still with the preachers' daughter? 

8:24: Oh Lord, save me from the religious quotation

8:24: Oh the ex-pregnant girls name is Amy

8:25: Why is this Amy girl just wearing her shitty wedding dress around town?

8:26: Oh so Amy and Ricky are married already

8:26: Oh I remember this Latina sloot

8:27: Hara Dara is apparently some super fancy dress

8:29: The half-Asian and the whiny 15 year old are excellent at playing whiny 15 year olds

8:33: Why does Amy still look like she's 13?

8:34: This is the worst marriage ever. Apparently there was a girl named Clementine in the picture? And they're not really married, they're just telling people they're married? So does this mean that their baby is really an android since they're lying about everything else?

8:36: Who is this girl with the nerdy guy?

8:37: This girl is dumb as dirt. Don't tell her she's not stupid, nerdy guy.

8:38: Who is this sloot?

8:39: This sloot is an insomniac apparently

8:39: The sloot was a 15 year old hooker! No wonder she's so stupid

8:40: The sloot spilled the beans about Amy's fake marriage to the nerdy kid's dad!

8:46: The nerdy kids dad doesn't want him to end up with Amy?

8:46: Prediction: Amy is going to end up with the nerdy kid whose name I just found out is Ben because Ricky won't be able to keep his dick in his pants around this Clementine character.

8:48: This is going to be a terrible marriage.

8:49: THIS GIRL'S A BITCH! "Thanks for being obsessed with me between girlfriends and my marriage. It makes me feel good about myself. If you never find anyone else I'll have regrets..."

8:54: Why is Chaz Bono in this show? What the hell kind of show is this?

8:55: The 80's queen was a total sloot after her marriage ended. There's a possibility that her new son isn't Amy's dad's son.

8:56: Wasn't there a sister in this show? Where is she at? Did she die? Try and kill the baby? Run away and become a lesbian like every other girl in this show?

8:57: Ricky is totes in love with this Clementine barista chick. 

8:57: Oh shit the half-Asian is going to be surprised by her 15 year old boyfriend

8:58: Oh thank Jesus it's over. Now I can go back to watching last week's Pretty Little Liars.

I know why I hated this show. It's terrible. It reminds me of a less preachy 7th Heaven---another shitty show that I did not watch. 

Oh, I Googled the name of the 80's queen. It's Molly Ringwald. I really want to ask her if she knows what happened to Emilio Estevez. It's been awhile since I've seen that guy.

Top Ten Thursday: Luck of the Irish

I almost can't believe that it's St. Patrick's Day again.This is one of the most holy days of the year for 22 year old college students such as myself. It's a great excuse to spend three days in a row liquored up and blacked out.The booze, the celebrations, the one day a year when the general public loves gingers--what's not to love?

This year, my plans are up in the air. The big day is on Sunday and I have no idea how I'm spending my weekend celebrations. All I have in my Google calendar is "DRUNKEN LEPRECHAUNS." If you're like me and don't know what you're doing on this magical day, then you're in luck because I have come up with a list of ten things for you to try. 

10. Dirty Shamrock shake

As a general rule, I don't like to go to McDonalds unless I am drunk and in need of chicken nuggs. March is the exception to this rule. The Shamrock Shake is probably one of the greatest innovations in ice cream based beverages in this century. The only thing that I can think of to make this deliciousness taste even better is Irish Whiskey. The Irish love their whiskey and their shamrocks, so why not put the two together? Go ahead, spike your Shamrock Shake. I suggest Jameson for your whiskey choice to keep it Irish but it's really up to you. If it tastes bad then at least you will have a good buzz going.

9. Go to a party

If this needs explanation, then you're not doing college right. 

Even if you don't drink on a regular basis like I do, I suggest that you drink as much as you physically can on St. Patrick's Day. If you're strapped for cash and want to hang out in a familiar environment, then go to a party. Hang out with your friends. Do something stupid. Drink a shit-ton of whiskey.

8. Go to an Irish pub

It's fun. Trust me.

7. Drink Green Beer

I myself have never done this, but hopefully this year will be my year. Every year I tell myself "you'll get it this year" but I usually go to parties where green beer is not present. This year, I know that I'll be going to a bar at some point this weekend so I hold on to my hopes!

6. Irish Carbomb it up

Fill a pint glass 2/3 with Guinness. Pour half a shot of Jameson into a shot glass, then layer Bailey's on top of that. Drop the shot glass into the Guinness and chug before the Bailey's curdles. 

After a few of these, they taste like chocolate milk. Well, at least in my drunk head they do. 

5. Pinch the heathens

Those who poop on the party must be punished with pain.

4. Capture leprechauns and demand your pot of gold

Run up to every person that is shorter than you, grab them around the waist or by the arm or whatever body part you want and shout "WHERE'S MY GOLD?" 

Keep holding on to them until they give you booze, candy, gold, or start to call for security. 

3. Listen to Dropkick Murphys and Flogging Molly

Traditional music of the Irish potato famine.

2. Do a jig

Traditional dance of the Irish potato famine.

1. Always drink the green punch

Last year, I went to a St. Patrick's Day party at my friend Kyne's apartment in Irvine. To this day, I still do not know what was in the jungle juice he made, but it was green and amazing. If you find yourself at a party and there is green punch involved, drink it. It will taste like drinking liquid leprechaun magic in your mouth. It might even turn you into a leprechaun. 

Or you might get roofied. YOLO? 

*WARNING: Drinking too much of the green punch may result in you curled up in the fetal position on an air mattress in your friend's apartment where you will spend your day watching all of the Twilight movies in order.*




So, there you have it. I haven't done all of these but the ones I have have never failed to show me a good time. So go on, young ones. Drink the green beverages. Throw back a Carbomb or two. Or five. Spike your milkshake. Catch a leprechaun. Celebrate the Irish the best way you know how: drunk.
And if you see me out on the town on Friday, Saturday, or Sunday, buy me a Guinness because I am broke.







Announcements:

With the advice of Sarah, I have broken into the Tumblr world. I still don't really understand how to use it, but I have set up a Tumblr page to use as a photo blog type thingamajig, despite my hatred of photo blogs. 

If I am friends with you in reality, then you might have noticed an abundance of Batman photos popping up on my Facebook and Instagram accounts. 

I know, you're thinking "Why would I want to see them if you're raping my other social media sites with the same photos?" 

Well you're in luck because not all of the photos you see on Instagram and Facebook will be on the blog! 

Confused? I don't doubt it. Just log onto http://batmanlikestoboogie.tumblr.com/ to follow and check it out. I plan on updating it at least every other day so take a look and see what kind of shenanigans Batman gets himself into.

In other news, Sarah is also trying to get me to explore other regions of the internet (not porn) so in the near future, I might have something else planned for your internet browsing enjoyment. 

Top Ten Thursday: Wendy in the Wild

If you read the post last month about my first day of the semester, you might remember a mention of someone named Wendy. 

Wendy.

I can't even find the words to describe my feelings about Wendy. In last month's post I described her as a "lady who is mentally challenged and is in a wheelchair. She wears a top hat with a sunflower in it and wheels around by using her feet, and most of the time she's going backwards."  

Call me an asshole for even thinking this, but I'm fairly certain that she is out to get me. I'm not trying to be mean or insensitive even though I know it looks that way. I honestly wouldn't have an issue with Wendy if I didn't think that she had an issue with me.

The concept of 'Wendy in the Wild' has been years in the making, so I've decided to finally make it a real thing.

The format of this weeks Top Ten Thursday is a little different from the others because I'm not going to discuss all of the photos so you're just going to have to bear with me. Most of them were taken in Spring 2011 so I don't remember their context.



10: Wendy wakes me up

The first day of this semester, I was sitting in class minding my own business. I was trying not to fall asleep because 8 a.m. classes are the worst, when something crashed into my chair from behind. I was jolted awake and alert, completely unsure of what had just happened. I turned around in my chair and was shocked to see Wendy there. Were 40 minutes into the class and she burst into the room in the middle of the lecture, rammed her wheelchair into the back of my seat, and yelled out that she wanted to take the class. I understand having to crash a class to get more units, but at least show up on time. Luckily for me, she didn't get in the class, but I was on the lookout for her for the rest of the day, terrified that she would try and run me over.

9: Wendy from afar

Across the street on my way to class.

8: Wendy is missing

For almost an entire semester, I didn't spot Wendy once. I honestly thought she had died. One day I was at work and got an out-of-the-blue text message from a friend asking me about Wendy's appearance. I described it as "wheelchair, top-hat, sunflower, and moo-moo." She responded with "I almost crashed my car trying to get a picture of her downtown!" That's right ladies and gentlemen, Wendy wheels around in the real world. Well, at least in Downtown Long Beach.

7: Wendy rolls by the caf

I was just sitting there eating my lunch and she rolls on by

6: Wendy uses the computer

 
This one made me laugh. This was taken the day after she rammed into my chair. I was playing Robot Unicorn Attack on the computer and listening to music and didn't even notice that she was there. there was a break in between songs and I overheard slurred speech and turned around to this sight. I don't know what made me laugh more: the headphones or the fact that she was watching some weird anime show on the computer. When I eventually went to class, she pushed her chair backwards into me. I'm telling you, she's out to get me.

5: Wendy goes to the bathroom

I rarely use the bathroom at school, but sometimes it's necessary. If I do have to go to the bathroom, I always try to use the one in the computer lab/library building because it's one of the cleanest on campus. I spend a lot of time in the library either sleeping, reading, or reading until I fall asleep. One day I was sitting in one of the cubicles in the back of the library and I saw her wheeling around looking for a place to sit. I didn't think anything of it. A little while later I needed to relieve my bladder so I went to the bathroom. I was sitting in the stall handling my business, when I heard the door slam. I saw the wheels roll by, stop in front of my stall for about 30 seconds, then continue rolling straight into the handicap stall. I can't even pee in peace now.

4: Wendy in the caf

This is my most recent photo of Wendy, taken just last Wednesday. I was having lunch with my friend Gladis talking about the Yu-Gi-Oh! nerds or something, when Wendy rolled up right in front of me. I told Gladis about 'Wendy in the Wild' and she called me Satan or an asshole or something like that. The whole time we were there, I found it incredibly difficult not to laugh. At one point she wheeled over to get something else to eat and then I could laugh in peace until she came back

3: Wendy in class

This was the moment when I first learned that Wendy's name is Wendy. Up until this moment, I had just been calling her 'wheelchair top hat lady'. One day, I was sitting with two people who were in a class with her and they told me that her name is Wendy. I had a couple of hours to kill in between class so I went to sit in their class with them and fuck around. She wheeled in, sat at , the table next to me, and every time I said something to the people I was with she would laugh. It freaked me out a bit and I didn't know what to do, so I bailed.

2: Wendy from above

This photo spawned the 'Wendy in the Wild' craze. I had a geology class and there were six of us who got along really well. It was a lecture and a lab class so we had a ten minute break. The class was on the 3rd floor so we stood outside the doors, just talking and making fun of other people in our class. As we stood there, we saw her from above. She didn't see us, but we all snapped this photo. It was the birth of 'Wendy in the Wild'. I had another one of her wheeling backwards but I can't find it in my archives.

1: My first Wendy encounter

The birth of the almighty battle between Wendy and I. It was about three years ago now, and I remember it like it happened yesterday. I was in the the DLA lab in the basement of the student lounge, photocopying some notes that a classmate had given me because I skipped class. There I was, minding my own business, making my copies, when Wendy in. There were two unused copy machines, but she rolled right into me, kicking at my heels and said "That's my copy machine! It's my turn!" I turned around and saw that she was disabled, so I politely told her that there were two unused copy machines to my left and that I had three more pages to copy. She would not let up and just sat there yelling at me. I stood there on principle but out of the corner of my eye I saw her roll back in preparation to ram into me, so I turned around and said "Ok, ok, it's yours!" in fear of bodily harm. Since then, every run-in with I've had with Wendy has been a terrifying experience.

Zubat Used His Confuse Ray on Me!

Last October I wrote a blog on my Russian viewers titled "In Soviet Russia, You Don't Write Blog. Blog Write You." For those of you who are lazy and don't feel like clicking on that link, I'll clue you in on what it was about. 

I had discovered that the Russians have an odd fascination with me. In the span of a week or so, I noticed that a couple of Russians started to follow my Twitter (which I rarely use) and Instagram accounts. Not only were the Russians following my social media accounts, I also noted an uptick in Russian viewers here on the ol' bloggy blog. 

Since that post all those months ago, I have noted an rapid incline in foreign viewers. I don't understand it and I don't mind it, but I'm still confused by it.

Over the years I have watched my fair share of detective type mystery shows and from that intense amount of study, I've learned how to look for clues and things on the interwebz. Well, that and this Google based blog site allows bloggers to see how their views came upon your blog and what part of the world they're in. 

'All-Time' highest viewer stats

As you can see here, Germany has beaten Russia. Naturally, the U.S. has come out on top (AMERIIICUH! FUCK YEAH!) and the UK is steadily growing as well. Now, I can understand why the US and the UK are reading this. This is written in English and both regions are somewhat similar in personality when it comes to this current generation. Australia and Canada: Ok, kind of along the same lines so I guess I get that too. But Germany? Ukraine? I don't get it. 

I wish I could show you all of them. These are the countries that have shown the highest numbers but I've seen a couple of views from Malaysia, Switzerland, South Africa, and a couple of other places that I had to Google because I had no idea where they were. 

Aside from random viewers from other countries, I also get random referrals from URLs and websites. I've never been on any of these sites until about an hour ago and I have no idea why my blog is on any of these sites. Well, except for the Facebook referrals. Those are from me. 

What makes this even more confusing is that I have clicked on some of these links and referring URLs. I can't find myself anywhere! I've looked at all of them and have no idea where I come in. The kallery.net link leads to a Korean website. I don't know anybody in Korea nor do I know anything about Korea. I tried to search myself on the site after I translated it to English and I am nowhere to be found. The movie download link leads to a Filestube page. That makes no sense because I never post anything on Filestube. The Orz.tw link leads to another foreign website that I won't even try to understand. I don't know what country or language that is. I'm not even going to try and search for myself on that one.

The search keywords thing is just getting ridiculous. 80% of the search keywords have to do with the Daily Grace post I made last June. No one seems to realize that I posted a retraction to that blog in November because I changed my mind and her comedy grew on me. 

Due to the frequency of people Googling the phrase "Daily Grace is not funny", I have managed to make a Google milestone. If you Google that phrase, you will find that my original post on comedian Grace Helbig is the very first result out of about 4,240,000. What. The. Hell.

In a way, it's really fucking cool that something shitty I wrote last year is #1 in a Google search. But the downside is that I'm pretty sure that all of my favorite YouTubers hate me now. I already freak out Hannah Hart and Jmarbs (Not a joke. Met them at a bar last year.) and now Grace Helbig probably hates me too because of this. Thanks, internet.

Again, not all of the search keywords are shown in the photo above. I think this one is probably my favorite. 

To whomever Googled "Did Kevin Bacon ever Play Batman?" the answer is no. You're probably thinking of Michael Keaton.